What I'm Reading, Nonfiction: Joyce Meyer's "Approval Addiction"

Are you a people pleaser? If so, you're not alone. I am, too, and there's a ton of us out there. And it turns out, this addiction to gaining the approval of others is pretty darn destructive to our lives.

I've long been a fan of Joyce Meyer - I regularly watch her video clips and feel encouraged by her messages. This is my first time reading one of her books, however. My dear friend Yolanda brought this title to me when I was in the hospital last week and I've been making my way through it, slowly but surely, ever since.

Why slowly but surely, you ask? Normally, I'm a fast reader. However, this book contains tons of scriptural references and so much great information that I'm taking it slowly. I've got my Bible nearby so I can check each reference, I've got a book of prayers that I use to find similar topics, and I'm re-reading each chapter as I go so I can really soak in this goodness.

Here's why I am loving this book so much - the description from the back cover:

An addiction is something that controls people - something they feel they cannot do without or something they do to alleviate pain or pressure. It comes in many varieties, such as drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, shopping, eating work - and yes, even approval. Like any addict, insecure people look for a 'fix' when they get shaky. They need someone to reaffirm them and assure them that everything is all right.

The good news is that they, and you, don't have to suffer with insecurity; there is a cure for the approval addiction. The Word of God says we can be secure through Jesus Christ (see Ephesians 3:17). That means we are free to be ourselves and become all we can be in Him.

Beyond being a people pleaser, I'm also an appeaser. I want everyone to be happy all the time, and when I see a problem - or am the cause of a problem - I seek to fix that so that everyone will be happy and no one will be mad at me. And when I fail to do so, I withdraw into myself and basically hide out.

But I'm working hard to go beyond that. I know - I KNOW - that I can't keep everyone happy all the time and that that isn't even my job to do in the first place.

In this book, I feel like Joyce Meyer is talking directly to me. From the introduction:

Do you live under a burden of guilt and condemnation, feeling unrighteous, unworthy, and insecure? Are you a people-pleaser, always looking for the approval of others?

Yes, yes, and even yesser. This continually manifests itself in my life under the guise of anxiety. And it can be downright crippling! Here's what Joyce Meyer says to those of us who answered yes to that question above:

If the answer is yes, then I hope by the grace and the mercy of God to help you get over those feelings because they affect not only your personal relationships, but also your prayer life and your ability to be promoted in life. They certainly steal your joy and your peace - and that is not God's will for you or anyone else. God's will is that you enjoy your life - and you can do that.

The book then divides into 3 parts: part 1 focuses on "understanding we aren't perfect and that is okay;" part 2 goes on to cover "specific additions that hinder our walk with God;" and part 3 focuses on "our wholeness in God."

I'm still only in part 1 of the book, but since I'm loving it so much - and since I like to keep it real with what's going on in my own life - I wanted to share my experience with you here. I'll bet there's at least a few of you out there who could also benefit from reading "Approval Addiction."

How does people-pleasing behaviors affect you in your life? I'd love to hear your own experiences while we are in the middle of acknowledging and working to heal from this destructive behavior.

In Which We Discuss...Stats!

If you know me, you know I geek out on anything that can be measured - preferably quantitatively, but I'll also accept qualitatively in a pinch. I love working in Excel. Graphs are my be-all-and-end-all. Need a formula for that? Hold a sec; got one right here.

So I've been tracking the launch of this new blog pretty closely, because STATS, ya'll. So...without any further adieu, may I present the facts and figures from the first 24 hours of The Momma in the Middle.

(Also, I promise not to make this a daily habit - I'm just geeked out on this because it's day 1 of a new site.)


First up, pageviews by country and by platform. I see no real surprises here - I know who is in Iraq (hi, Jerry), and Canada (hi, Julia), and Italy (hi, Jessie), and Singapore (hi, Kresta), and South Africa (hi, Meg)...although the Peru hit has me stumped. Maybe an AAer who is traveling?

Next up, we have pageviews by day (24 hours split over 2 days), which is a healthy total for a blog with only 2 live posts...and 100% of traffic coming from Facebook.

And then the breakdown by post - post #2 has a really good total versus post #1 consider the headstart #1 got!

Next up, post interaction on the new Facebook page. Not too shabby!

And finally, general stats for the Facebook page. Dear 114 People - I love you, and you've made my day! Muah! The interesting piece here is that apparently, 108 likes are from friends...which means that I have 6 likes from people I'm not connected with already - that's kind of unexpected since this was totally a friends-and-family launch. But nice! I'll take it and thank you very much!

Know what this all means? I'm in the middle of the greatest bunch of friends, family and acquaintances a girl could ask for. Ya'll rock! Thanks for coming on this journey with me!

Still in the Middle

When my former husband and I first separated, I went into a blue funk every time the kids were gone to stay with him instead of me. I'd stay in my pajamas, chain-smoking, reading dreary novels, and crying my eyes out.

Blech! Thank GOD I'm no longer that person.

I absolutely needed that time to mourn then heal - but Lord knows you can't stay that way forever.

Now, I look at the time that the kids are with their father as opportunities to get all of my non-kiddo related things done - chores, errands, Tom Cruise movie marathons, extra client work, projects, school or church work, and Tom Cruise movie marathons. (Did I mention Tom Cruise movie marathons? Just want to be sure I didn't forget that.)

Do I still miss them? Of course. Right now I'm sitting in a house that's waaaaaaay too quiet. The kids have been gone for 25 minutes and will be with their dad through Saturday (with a brief stay back with me because of his work schedule). I'll miss them the whole time they're gone...but I'll still be in the middle of our lives, working on stuff for all of us!

For instance, over the next few days (while I'm still supposed to be convalescing), I'm going to clean out a closet, put up Christmas decorations, put away massively large mountains of clean laundry, have a Tom Cruise movie marathon, and thoroughly clean out my bedroom and get it decorated for Christmas. While I'm watching a Tom Cruise movie marathon.

I'm still the Momma in the Middle...the kids will be back before I know it, so I better get cracking on my to-do list!

Happy

I realized tonight that I was happy.

Not just content to have arrived successfully at the end of the day.

Not just relieved that most of what needed to get done mostly did.

Not just thankful that more bits and pieces of nonsense didn't get kicked up.

Actually. Happy.

How did I come to this moment of happiness, you ask?

While scooping cat poop.

Stop it. I'm being serious.

I had a zen moment while cleaning out the many litterboxes used by my feline overlords.

Remember: Actually. Happy.

Just...while holding cat poop.

See, I'd come home from this month's city council meeting, picked the kiddos up from the wonderful neighbor who was watching them, and bundled them all off to bed, lickity split. Silence in the house by 8:45 - that's enough to warrant its own zen moment right there.

Next up was bundling myself off to bed - I'm fresh off a 10-day hospital stay for pneumonia and need all the rest I can get.

But...

But...

The litterboxes needed scooped. The feline overlords and canine court jesters needed fed.

Sometimes, when my brain overflows with things that MUST. BE. DONE. RIGHT. NOW., I go into panic mode and none of it gets done. Other times, I go into manic mode and suddenly a list of 3,445 items materializes and must be finished by midnight.

Not tonight, though.

Tonight, thinking about the must-do's actually brought me strength, and an aura of calm that I haven't experienced in quite some time. And...happiness.

I was happy to be in the middle of the kids' lives, even just in mundane ways like successfully packing them all off to bed at the "right" time.

I was happy to be in the middle of the cats' lives, felines who have shared my many abodes over the past 15 years. Ample poop means healthy animals!

I was happy to be in the middle of the nightly feeding frenzy of the dogs and cats, because they bring great joy to our home.

But above all else, I was - and AM - happy to be in the middle of God's saving grace, surrounded by the love and guidance of Jesus and wrapped in the cloak of the Holy Spirit. The past 15 months have been the craziest in my life - and I can say definitively that without my faith in God, I wouldn't have made it through.

Somewhere along the way of this year and a quarter, I forgot that being happy was possible. Instead, I decided that the rule of the day was survival. Now I realize that I had things backwards: I'm not happy because I survived...I survived because I'm happy!

Life is good. Not perfect. Not without struggles. Definitely full of challenges. But here in the middle of this crazy, wonderful, exciting world, LIFE. IS. GOOD.

Diary of a Crossing Guard, Sophia Edition

I'm not sure whether to begin today's edition of "Diary of a Crossing Guard" by saying:

"Picture it - Sicily - 1922..."

or

"Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the show?"

So, we had an incident in the crosswalk this morning. About halfway through my shift, while I was in the middle of the road crossing several families, a car decided to blow both the red light and my stop sign. The driver appeared to be paying attention to a cell phone instead of the road.

I could not get the driver's attention by waving or shouting, so I ended up slamming my stop sign into his hood and the right side of my body against the side of his windshield. Fortunately, that DID get his attention and he stopped just before he would have run over my foot and less than a foot from a family in the crosswalk.

Everyone is okay. Unfortunately, I didn't get the guy's license plate because I was more concerned with ensuring that all of my crosswalkers were okay after they got safely to the other side. Speaking of side, my right side is fairly sore, but probably just bruising. An incident report with witness info included has been filed.

People, PLEASE, for the LOVE OF GOD, put down your dang cell phones in school zones. And elsewhere, too! Several people, including myself, could have been seriously injured this morning. By God's grace, we weren't. SLOW DOWN, CELL PHONES DOWN, PAY ATTENTION IN SCHOOL ZONES AND EVERYWHERE ELSE!