Dealing with Fear

One of the biggest fears in being married to a law enforcement officer is injury or death.  For some police spouses, this fear can be debilitating.  Others learn how to compartmentalize this fear so that it doesn't overtake the non-scary portions of law enforcement relationships.

Here are a few thoughts to help ease your fear:

• Your husband or wife is superbly trained for the job that they are doing.  Being a police officer requires intense and lengthy learning, including role playing scenarios that have the potential to go badly.
• Your husband or wife, as a police officer, is probably hyper aware of the world around them.  If there are signs availble that something bad is going down, they probably already know and are working out their response in their head.
• Your husband or wife wants their job and in fact may feel called to that line of work as an avocation.
• Your husband or wife also wants their life; they aren't going to do anything stupid and when they do put themselves in harm's way, it's done so in a calculated fashion.
• Trust.  Trust, trust, trust.  Trust that you husband or wife will do what is necessary to stay safe.  Trust that whichever higher power you believe in will look out for him or her.  And trust that if something does go badly, you will have the strength to deal with it.

Hugs!

Snow Days and Scheduling

My husband works what I consider to be an odd schedule. It's on 2, off 2, on 3, off 2, on 2, off 3. Repeat. I guess it's nice, because it's a 14-day schedule, so it replicates every two weeks. His shifts are 12 hours each, which turn into 14 hours each when commuting time is added, plus that blanket time in arriving for shifts early and leaving shifts a few minutes late. But he has different days off different weeks, and that can make scheduling tricky. I don't work different days different weeks, and our daughter, who attends a Montessori preschool, doesn't go to school different days different weeks.

We have a pretty delicately balanced work around, which I think is common to police families. Since we work opposite shifts, we cover for each other a lot. Which works great...until you factor in training classes, work trips, court dates, traded shifts...or snow days. Yes, even in north Texas we have the occasional snow day.

Or 3!

Screws up roads, cancels schools, kills schedules.

So I'll be staying home today to watch kiddos while the hubby rests and gets ready for his next shift tonight. And I'll be thanking my lucky stars that I am able to work remotely for my job as needed...while digging deep for patience and creativity in balance kids and work.

Other days, one of my husband's aunts saves us by watching the kids when our schedules collide. We wouldn't make it without that help, and our kids love having a surrogate grandma nearby since their own grandparents all live thousands of miles away.

What are your coping techniques when schedules go haywire?

Companion Pieces

Breakfast at Tiffany's: Texans and Snow

0 to Mom: Kids and Snow Days

How to Say Good Night

Good nights can be hard when Dad is at work instead of at home.  Toddlers aren't great at comprehending concepts like "work" or "see you in the morning."

How do you deal with little kids who fuss at bedtime because their police parent is gone to work?

In our house, we try to make everything routine.  We read one book with our little girl, say her prayers with her - listing out Dad first, and give kisses to the half dozen stuffed animals that live on her bed.  When I'm putting her to bed solo, I always tell her that her Mommy and Daddy love her and we'll both see her in the morning.

Sometimes that doesn't work.

On the nights when it's Fussvile instead of Sleeptown, we call Daddy on his cell phone.  Sometimes he can't answer; those darn traffic stops refuse to mold themselves to my schedule.  But even when he can't come to the phone, Cate can hear her dad's voice on his voicemail and can leave him a message to say "Hi, Daddy.  Miss you.  Love you."

And then she usually feels calm enough to sleep...and to look forward to seeing Dad in the morning.

What do you do when this happens?

Sick While On Duty

I had a S.W.O.D. weekend this past week - Sick While On Duty.  It sucked, but could have been much worse.  Here's how I coped:

I was sick - had the flu plus an upper respiratory infection - and it was the hubby's on-weekend at work.  My kids - ages 27 months and 6 months - definitely weren't up for caring for themselves.  And the hubby was either at work or sleeping a majority of the weekend.  When you have 3 back-to-back 12-hour overnight shifts, it's hard to do anything BUT sleep when you're at home!

The Setting:
My youngest's bedroom, complete with crib for him, bed for me, and a TV.  My daughter's bedroom was next door.

The Supplies:

• Mask (so I didn't spread my germs)
• Tray loaded with:
• Water bottles
• Water-filled baby bottles
• Formula container
• Empty container to store meds-contaminated breast milk for pump-and-dump
• Several juice-filled sippy cups
• Snacks for babies
• Snacks for toddlers
• More snacks for adults
• Roll of paper towel
• Kid-Friendly DVDs
• Medicine
• Tissues
• Diapers, wipes, pull ups
• Toys for a variety of ages
• A gate to prevent escape-minded kiddos

The Strategy:
For three whole days, I was wary of going up and down stairs while sick and dizzy.  So I minimized my trips.  The first day, I only had to go back downstairs once.  The second and third days I made a total of 3 trips up/down per day.  And we hibernated.  By alternating movies, shows, and toys, the kids stayed occupied and I had time to lay down fairly often and rest.  Didn't get much sleep, but just the act of resting while sick is awesome.  I engaged the toddler in helping the infant with toys and holding his bottle, so I could minimize the spread of germs.  And although unhealthy, we ate junkier food that I didn't have to spend time preparing or get dizzy carrying up and down the stairs.

While the hubby was home, he did some of the major clothing changes and meal preps.  Otherwise, we stayed out of his way to let him get some sleep and avoid passing him my germs.

What are your strategies for coping when you're sick and have kids to care for, but your other half is on-duty instead of at home?