Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.
The entrance to my neighborhood is guarded by a flashing red light. Not stop signs; nope, those are too mundane. Not a full traffic signal. Too structured. All four spokes of the intersection are governed by this flashing light.
And you would think people needed a PhD in Trafficology to figure out this modern-day Clash of the (Nissan) Titans!
Ok, people. Let's break it down for you.
Basically...someone who wanted to make money off lightbulbs instead of sheet metal transformed the STOP SIGN into a FLASHING RED STOP LIGHT.
Beyond that, the principle is the same. Exactly the same. We take turns once we get to the intersection. The first Eastbound/Westbound cars in the corresponding lanes go...and then the Northbound/Southbound cars go.
But most importantly, and why you people tick me off, is this point of driving etiquette:
If no one is currently at the intersection, and I get there before you do, I get to go through first. Period.
Let's recap.
If my wheels have come to a stop and yours have not, I was there first. And thus, I get to cross the intersection first. Period.
Here's another scenario that gets my gall.
If you're the second car in line, you don't get to go through the intersection at the same time as the first car in line.
We take turns, Bozo. My toddler is learning how to do that; why can't you?
I've heard the argument that some people might not realize that it's not an actual fully functional tri-color traffic light. I'd be willing to accept that argument if it (a) didn't flash 24/7/365, (b) didn't blink on and off in 1 second intervals and (c) I lived near hamsters with less than 1 second attention spans instead of living, breathing, and supposedly attentive human beings.
I don't know about any of the rest of you purportedly sane drivers out there, but when I'm alone in my car (read: no kids), and someone goes through the blinking red light intersection out of turn, I actively try to hit them.
Calm down. I'm not actually going to hit them. But if they're trying to jump my turn, off goes my horn, out comes my middle phalanges, and I proceed to take my turn. I definitely stop if they continue through the intersection; no numb-numb is worth wrecking my car (and in the area surrounding my neighborhood, they probably don't have insurance). But I make 'em work for it.
But Tiffany, why don't you do the Christian thing and forgive?
Heck no. This isn't a forgiveable offense, and they have no intention of atoning. Forgetting your turn signal at an intersection is an oopsie. Going out of turn is deliberate. Failing to understand basic traffic signals is ignorance. And ticking me off when I'm in my car is stupid.
How about you? How do you deal with the Battle of the Stupids when it comes to flashing red lights?
Until next time,
Safe travels!
Showing posts with label Snark. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Snark. Show all posts
Introducing...the Flashing Light
Published on
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
in:
Snark
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Tuesday Travel Tips
You're Not That Important
Published on
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
in:
Snark
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Tuesday Travel Tips
Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.
Hat tip to D for this timely tip:
"Put the cell phone down when boarding the plane! You can't put things in the overhead and hold a phone."
Sensible advice. Thanks, D!
Seriously, folks. You're. Not. That. Important.
When you were planning this particular trip, did you ask yoursecretary administrative assistant support staffer to schedule a meeting that would require you to be on the phone *just* as you were boarding?
I swear that people do this. You know. To make themselves look important to their fellow traveler. Mr. My Company Cannot Function Without Me. Ms. Corporate Ladder Climber Even While Midair.
And then there's Even Though I'm Gone I'm Still Your Mom.
"Jonathan. Jonathan. Put that down. What do you mean, how did I know you were holding it? I can hear your sister shrieking about it in the background. Plus, I'm your mother, aren't I?"
Yes, but I wish you weren't. Just for five minutes. If your kid's not on fire, put down the dang phone.
Here are the components for successfully loading an airplane:
So let's get back to that all important third step: stowing your luggage.
Ooooh. Overhead bin. In a Greyhound bus, it's just "the shelf above your seat." Airlines spiffed it up. Either way, you're likely going to need two arms to get the bag you snuck past the unsuspecting agent and loaded with 60 5-pound dumbbells up into this thing. And no, it's not thestewardess's flight attendant's lady in the plane's (hat tip, George Carlin) problem to do this for you when you are too inconsiderate to put down your phone for 10 seconds.
I'll bet you're that same guy who won't shut down his phone when told so we can get this tin can with wings in the sky.
Seriously. Have you considered Greyhound?
Until next time,
Safe travels!
Hat tip to D for this timely tip:
"Put the cell phone down when boarding the plane! You can't put things in the overhead and hold a phone."
Sensible advice. Thanks, D!
Seriously, folks. You're. Not. That. Important.
When you were planning this particular trip, did you ask your
I swear that people do this. You know. To make themselves look important to their fellow traveler. Mr. My Company Cannot Function Without Me. Ms. Corporate Ladder Climber Even While Midair.
And then there's Even Though I'm Gone I'm Still Your Mom.
"Jonathan. Jonathan. Put that down. What do you mean, how did I know you were holding it? I can hear your sister shrieking about it in the background. Plus, I'm your mother, aren't I?"
Yes, but I wish you weren't. Just for five minutes. If your kid's not on fire, put down the dang phone.
Here are the components for successfully loading an airplane:
- Get in line.
- Walk forward.
- Stow your luggage.
- Sit down.
So let's get back to that all important third step: stowing your luggage.
Ooooh. Overhead bin. In a Greyhound bus, it's just "the shelf above your seat." Airlines spiffed it up. Either way, you're likely going to need two arms to get the bag you snuck past the unsuspecting agent and loaded with 60 5-pound dumbbells up into this thing. And no, it's not the
I'll bet you're that same guy who won't shut down his phone when told so we can get this tin can with wings in the sky.
Seriously. Have you considered Greyhound?
Until next time,
Safe travels!
Explaining the People Mover
Published on
Tuesday, March 01, 2011
in:
Snark
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Tuesday Travel Tips
Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.
I just love easy ways to get from one place to another, quickly. I don’t have much patience for slowness of any sort. (I’m sure that’s a shocker!)
So you know I love me some people movers at the airport.
It seems, however, like some of my fellow travelers are not as bought into their use as I am. So let’s spend today’s Tuesday Travels post explaining the people mover.
You are familiar, I assume, with the concept of the escalator?
Nifty thing. Ensures that you don’t have to walk up and down stairs on your own. Also ensures that a snagged scarf can lead to your untimely demise, but that’s another story…
Ahem.
A people mover is a horizontal escalator. Phineas and Ferb dismantled an escalator, smoothed out the bumps, and spent their day installing it in an airport.
What a cool concept – instead of sprinting wildly from one gate to the next in order to just miss my flight, I can get on the people mover and have it aid in my efforts.
But only if you, fellow traveler, cooperate.
GET OUT OF MY WAY.
Ahem.
When on a people mover, similarly to an escalator, similarly to a highway, slow traffic should stay to the right and allow passing on the left.
If you’re going to let the people mover do all of the work to move you from point A to point B, that’s cool. No problem. But some of us want to do double duty here and enjoy the forward motion of the people mover while still motorizing on our own.
And when you, or your gigantinormous luggage, are standing still, you become like a speedbump to me. And since I’m not a big fan of the slalom, it would be much appreciated if everyone standing still could do so on the same side, so I can speed my way in a straight line rather than running hurdles.
Mmmkay? Thanks!
And until next time,
Safe Travels!
I just love easy ways to get from one place to another, quickly. I don’t have much patience for slowness of any sort. (I’m sure that’s a shocker!)
So you know I love me some people movers at the airport.
It seems, however, like some of my fellow travelers are not as bought into their use as I am. So let’s spend today’s Tuesday Travels post explaining the people mover.
You are familiar, I assume, with the concept of the escalator?
Nifty thing. Ensures that you don’t have to walk up and down stairs on your own. Also ensures that a snagged scarf can lead to your untimely demise, but that’s another story…
Ahem.
A people mover is a horizontal escalator. Phineas and Ferb dismantled an escalator, smoothed out the bumps, and spent their day installing it in an airport.
What a cool concept – instead of sprinting wildly from one gate to the next in order to just miss my flight, I can get on the people mover and have it aid in my efforts.
But only if you, fellow traveler, cooperate.
GET OUT OF MY WAY.
Ahem.
When on a people mover, similarly to an escalator, similarly to a highway, slow traffic should stay to the right and allow passing on the left.
If you’re going to let the people mover do all of the work to move you from point A to point B, that’s cool. No problem. But some of us want to do double duty here and enjoy the forward motion of the people mover while still motorizing on our own.
And when you, or your gigantinormous luggage, are standing still, you become like a speedbump to me. And since I’m not a big fan of the slalom, it would be much appreciated if everyone standing still could do so on the same side, so I can speed my way in a straight line rather than running hurdles.
Mmmkay? Thanks!
And until next time,
Safe Travels!
Silent Courtesy
Published on
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
in:
Snark
,
Tuesday Travel Tips
Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.
We (us travelers, that is) have a purpose for being on a plane. We’re going somewhere. (Duh, right?) Maybe it’s for business. Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe something is wrong and we have to get somewhere fast. Regardless, we’re going somewhere.
And it ain’t to a Toastmasters meeting. (Unless you’re going to a convention. But that’s another story!)
Now, please believe me when I say that I’m not knocking Toastmasters. I’m a Toastmaster. CC/CL. Current VP Education for my club, which is comprised mainly of airline employees. Have won a bunch of contests. Looooooooove talking. (There’s a surprise.)
But being on a plane isn’t the same as being at a Toastmasters meeting. What’s I’m trying to say here is that we should all act courteously toward one another while in the air…but we don’t have to chat or soliloquize while 40,000 over the Midwest.
I’m sure you’re a great person. I can see that you have fabulous hair, a pretty suit and a snazzy iSuck. But, as you can see from my notebook and poised pen, I’ve got plans for this flight that don’t include replaying the Q&A session from the Miss America competition. Plus, with my lack of fabulous hair, a pretty suit, and a snazzy iSuck, we all know I’ll just get Miss Congeniality.
Ahem. Which brings me to…
While I may not want to engage you in scintillating conversation while on the plane, I certainly am not going to be rude to you either. I can show courtesy…silently.
When you say hi, I’m just going to smile. When you start off into a rambling monologue on the state of affairs in IndoChina (clearly, my flight is in 1968) I’m going to nod and look back to my notebook.
I may not be feeling social on this flight, but I can show silent courtesy.
Can you?
Until next time…
Safe travels!
We (us travelers, that is) have a purpose for being on a plane. We’re going somewhere. (Duh, right?) Maybe it’s for business. Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe something is wrong and we have to get somewhere fast. Regardless, we’re going somewhere.
And it ain’t to a Toastmasters meeting. (Unless you’re going to a convention. But that’s another story!)
Now, please believe me when I say that I’m not knocking Toastmasters. I’m a Toastmaster. CC/CL. Current VP Education for my club, which is comprised mainly of airline employees. Have won a bunch of contests. Looooooooove talking. (There’s a surprise.)
But being on a plane isn’t the same as being at a Toastmasters meeting. What’s I’m trying to say here is that we should all act courteously toward one another while in the air…but we don’t have to chat or soliloquize while 40,000 over the Midwest.
I’m sure you’re a great person. I can see that you have fabulous hair, a pretty suit and a snazzy iSuck. But, as you can see from my notebook and poised pen, I’ve got plans for this flight that don’t include replaying the Q&A session from the Miss America competition. Plus, with my lack of fabulous hair, a pretty suit, and a snazzy iSuck, we all know I’ll just get Miss Congeniality.
Ahem. Which brings me to…
While I may not want to engage you in scintillating conversation while on the plane, I certainly am not going to be rude to you either. I can show courtesy…silently.
When you say hi, I’m just going to smile. When you start off into a rambling monologue on the state of affairs in IndoChina (clearly, my flight is in 1968) I’m going to nod and look back to my notebook.
I may not be feeling social on this flight, but I can show silent courtesy.
Can you?
Until next time…
Safe travels!
Keep Your Shirt On!
Published on
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
in:
Snark
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Tuesday Travel Tips
Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.
Hey! You! Yeah, you! The one undressing on my airplane.
Let’s chat.
I fly fairly often. Not a road warrior, but my family and I get on a half dozen or more flights a year, plus I fly periodically for work – which, for me, is an airline.
But today, I’m talking to the people who apparently fly so infrequently that they may believe they’ve taken the right hand exit to the Red Door Spa instead of the left hand exit onto the MD80.
Keep your shirt on. Please!
When we get on the aircraft, I find it very appropriate to settle in and get comfortable for the flight, be it 45 minutes or 4.5 hours.
I do not.not.not find it appropriate to strip on the plane.
Have you ever seen the people who do this? They board the plane wearing about 17 layers – wanted to avoid those checked bag fees, right? – and by the time we’re taxiing for takeoff, they’re dressed appropriately for a sauna.
And then there’s the kind folks who sit down and remove their shoes. Unless you’re planning to pass out clothes pins as well and provide pedicures for the entire group, please don’t! Wearing sandles on summer flights is one thing; deliberately disrobing is another.
So let’s review, here. No shoes, no shirt, you should get no service. You will. The plane will still take off and we’ll still wing our way to our destination together. But you sure aren’t winning any friends.
Until next time…
Safe travels!
Hey! You! Yeah, you! The one undressing on my airplane.
Let’s chat.
I fly fairly often. Not a road warrior, but my family and I get on a half dozen or more flights a year, plus I fly periodically for work – which, for me, is an airline.
But today, I’m talking to the people who apparently fly so infrequently that they may believe they’ve taken the right hand exit to the Red Door Spa instead of the left hand exit onto the MD80.
Keep your shirt on. Please!
When we get on the aircraft, I find it very appropriate to settle in and get comfortable for the flight, be it 45 minutes or 4.5 hours.
I do not.not.not find it appropriate to strip on the plane.
Have you ever seen the people who do this? They board the plane wearing about 17 layers – wanted to avoid those checked bag fees, right? – and by the time we’re taxiing for takeoff, they’re dressed appropriately for a sauna.
And then there’s the kind folks who sit down and remove their shoes. Unless you’re planning to pass out clothes pins as well and provide pedicures for the entire group, please don’t! Wearing sandles on summer flights is one thing; deliberately disrobing is another.
So let’s review, here. No shoes, no shirt, you should get no service. You will. The plane will still take off and we’ll still wing our way to our destination together. But you sure aren’t winning any friends.
Until next time…
Safe travels!
Driving in Winter
Published on
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
in:
Snark
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Tuesday Travel Tips
Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.
We've had what I would consider to be more than our fair share of winter weather in north Texas this year, and so we've experienced more than our fair share of drivers who could use a little...help. Especially with more weather predicted later this week.
So for today's Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany, I'd like to explore some ideas to make us all safer on the roads.
Safe travels!
We've had what I would consider to be more than our fair share of winter weather in north Texas this year, and so we've experienced more than our fair share of drivers who could use a little...help. Especially with more weather predicted later this week.
So for today's Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany, I'd like to explore some ideas to make us all safer on the roads.
- Your SUV is worthless. If you think it's going to protect you from ice, just do us all a favor and park until spring.
- Countersteering is king. Think of your car on ice like a boat on water: sometimes, you need to do what's counterintuitive to keep from capsizing.
- Carry kitty litter in your trunk. Not only will this give you some weight to make your car less of a deadly brick, you can also use it to spread under your tires to gain traction
whenif you get stuck on ice. - Bridges = bad. See, they have no land beneath them that can retain heat and ensure against unnecessary freezing. That means you need to slow waythehell down before going across a bridge that
might beis icy. - Unless you have an emergency or a boss who was raised in Alaska, you might just want to stay home. It's just not worth fooling around with other drivers who probably haven't read this post!
Safe travels!
Caring and Sharing in Hotels
Published on
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
in:
Snark
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Tuesday Travel Tips
Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.
Today's topic is learning how to share hotel rooms.
No, no, no. I'm not talking about physically sharing a hotel room with someone else, particularly someone else you do.not.know.
What I'm talking about is caring and sharing in a hotel room that will, yes indeedy, be used by someone else after you check out.
*Gasp*
Betcha never thought about that, eh?
Just because most hotels employ maid services, don't think that you have carte blanche to lose all sense of propriety and hygiene.
I'm talking about you, Mr. I'm Gonna Throw a Condom on the Floor. Eeeeewie. Do you do that at home? 'Cause if you do, I'm never coming to visit. Do you honestly think the carpets in hotels get washed more than once a millenium?
I'm talking to you, Ms. Conveniently Lose a Bra Behind the Television Set. Really? Really? Stop.
And I'm talking to all ya'll that do nasty things (get your mind out of the gutter; I'm talking about eating greasy food!) on the bed comforter.
Listen, folks. I worked as a hotel maid. Briefly. Like for a week. Because the hotel where I worked in a restaurant had all of it's maids quit simultaneously and I got talked into doing it for a couple of extra bucks besides my hourly. And it was seriously the most disgusting thing ever.
Except changing new-to-baby-food diapers. But I digress...
Why do human beings, especially Mr. Professional Business Traveler and Ms. Have It All Together Mom, devolve into disgusting creatures while on the road? You're leaving behind a mess not only for the person who is getting minimum wage to clean your room (and tip, dummy!), but also potentially for the next user of the room.
I'm not a constant traveler, but I've been to my fair share of places. We'll estimate that I've stayed in 3 dozen different hotels in the last five or so years. And you wouldn't believe what I've seen. (For the sake of not seriously grossing anyone out, I won't go into details. Just let your imagination go to the worst.possible.corner and then take it a step further.)
So when you're traveling, learning about caring and sharing in hotels is absolutely key. Here are some tips:
1. If you wouldn't do it at home, don't do it at a hotel. Now, I'm not telling you not to do it do it. But don't do it in a way that you wouldn't do it at home. Got it?
2. If even you're too grossed out to clean something up, maybe you shouldn't have done it in the first place. And you definitely should clean it up. Like right now.
3. "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" doesn't mean you leave your manners and hygiene at the door.
4. Tip your housekeeper. He or she works for a low sum of money doing work that you'd like want to be paid beaucoup bucks to perform. A few bucks goes a long way towards good will.
5. Just because you ask the front desk for something doesn't mean they have it or have an obligation to get it for you.
6. Room service is a luxury that ought not be spoiled by you spilling your remains all over the hallway. Yeah, you. The one who complained on TripAdvisor that the hallways were dingy. Who, pray tell, do you think caused that?
Now you're ready to go forth and be a courteous hotel guest!
Until next time...
Safe travels!
Today's topic is learning how to share hotel rooms.
No, no, no. I'm not talking about physically sharing a hotel room with someone else, particularly someone else you do.not.know.
What I'm talking about is caring and sharing in a hotel room that will, yes indeedy, be used by someone else after you check out.
*Gasp*
Betcha never thought about that, eh?
Just because most hotels employ maid services, don't think that you have carte blanche to lose all sense of propriety and hygiene.
I'm talking about you, Mr. I'm Gonna Throw a Condom on the Floor. Eeeeewie. Do you do that at home? 'Cause if you do, I'm never coming to visit. Do you honestly think the carpets in hotels get washed more than once a millenium?
I'm talking to you, Ms. Conveniently Lose a Bra Behind the Television Set. Really? Really? Stop.
And I'm talking to all ya'll that do nasty things (get your mind out of the gutter; I'm talking about eating greasy food!) on the bed comforter.
Listen, folks. I worked as a hotel maid. Briefly. Like for a week. Because the hotel where I worked in a restaurant had all of it's maids quit simultaneously and I got talked into doing it for a couple of extra bucks besides my hourly. And it was seriously the most disgusting thing ever.
Except changing new-to-baby-food diapers. But I digress...
Why do human beings, especially Mr. Professional Business Traveler and Ms. Have It All Together Mom, devolve into disgusting creatures while on the road? You're leaving behind a mess not only for the person who is getting minimum wage to clean your room (and tip, dummy!), but also potentially for the next user of the room.
I'm not a constant traveler, but I've been to my fair share of places. We'll estimate that I've stayed in 3 dozen different hotels in the last five or so years. And you wouldn't believe what I've seen. (For the sake of not seriously grossing anyone out, I won't go into details. Just let your imagination go to the worst.possible.corner and then take it a step further.)
So when you're traveling, learning about caring and sharing in hotels is absolutely key. Here are some tips:
1. If you wouldn't do it at home, don't do it at a hotel. Now, I'm not telling you not to do it do it. But don't do it in a way that you wouldn't do it at home. Got it?
2. If even you're too grossed out to clean something up, maybe you shouldn't have done it in the first place. And you definitely should clean it up. Like right now.
3. "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" doesn't mean you leave your manners and hygiene at the door.
4. Tip your housekeeper. He or she works for a low sum of money doing work that you'd like want to be paid beaucoup bucks to perform. A few bucks goes a long way towards good will.
5. Just because you ask the front desk for something doesn't mean they have it or have an obligation to get it for you.
6. Room service is a luxury that ought not be spoiled by you spilling your remains all over the hallway. Yeah, you. The one who complained on TripAdvisor that the hallways were dingy. Who, pray tell, do you think caused that?
Now you're ready to go forth and be a courteous hotel guest!
Until next time...
Safe travels!
On Crying Flying Babies
Published on
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
in:
Snark
,
Tuesday Travel Tips
Welcome to Tuesday Travels with Tiffany...The first in many months! Today, let's explore the wonders of flying with children.
Before I had kids, I was always annoyed by babies who freaked out at length on the plane. I was also always annoyed by toddlers who shouted and kicked throughout the entire flight.
Know what I've learned since becoming a mom and gained experience through 7 trips with 1 kid and 1 trip with 2 kids? Babies crying excessively and toddlers acting up are ABSOLUTELY AVOIDABLE situations!
Quick lesson #1: Babies cry excessively on planes because of pressure in their ears and tummies. Know how you swallow and blow out to make your own trips comfortable, parents? Nathan the Newborn can't do that. The solution? A dose of baby Tylenol to take the edge off, plus a plan to breastfeed, bottlefeed, or use a pacifier during takeoff and landing. For breastfeeding moms, this is easy to accomplish since your little one will likely be on your lap. Simply pack your wrap and let you infant self-sooth.
Quick lesson #2: toddlers act up on planes because they are bored and want attention. Skip reading the in-flight magazine unless your little one is occupied or asleep. Bring lots of non-annoying toys and books plus special stuffed friends and snacks. As long as kiddo is occupied, the folks in front of you won't begin plotting your death.
Some crying and acting up is to be expected, but with a little thought for your kids' comfort, you can ensure your flight is more enjoyable for everyone!
Until next time...safe travels!
Before I had kids, I was always annoyed by babies who freaked out at length on the plane. I was also always annoyed by toddlers who shouted and kicked throughout the entire flight.
Know what I've learned since becoming a mom and gained experience through 7 trips with 1 kid and 1 trip with 2 kids? Babies crying excessively and toddlers acting up are ABSOLUTELY AVOIDABLE situations!
Quick lesson #1: Babies cry excessively on planes because of pressure in their ears and tummies. Know how you swallow and blow out to make your own trips comfortable, parents? Nathan the Newborn can't do that. The solution? A dose of baby Tylenol to take the edge off, plus a plan to breastfeed, bottlefeed, or use a pacifier during takeoff and landing. For breastfeeding moms, this is easy to accomplish since your little one will likely be on your lap. Simply pack your wrap and let you infant self-sooth.
Quick lesson #2: toddlers act up on planes because they are bored and want attention. Skip reading the in-flight magazine unless your little one is occupied or asleep. Bring lots of non-annoying toys and books plus special stuffed friends and snacks. As long as kiddo is occupied, the folks in front of you won't begin plotting your death.
Some crying and acting up is to be expected, but with a little thought for your kids' comfort, you can ensure your flight is more enjoyable for everyone!
Until next time...safe travels!
Turn it OFF!
Published on
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
in:
Snark
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Tuesday Travel Tips
Welcome to Tuesday Travels with Tiffany! I'm so glad to be bringing you new editions of this column in 2010!
Today, we'll be talking travel and technology.
Technology is such a bummer sometimes. Just when you've finally learned how to use a piece of equipment, or mastered a type of software, the next edition comes out and it's time to start over.
But what's amazing is a particular technological function that has never really changed, over the last hundred or more years. Sure, it's placement may have moved, or the steps to use it could have changed, but all-in-all, no change.
Allow me to introduce you to...the OFF button.
This advice is for you, Mr. All-Important Business Travel, or Mrs. Super-Busy Soccer Mom. I fully well realize that you believe that your time is more precious than mine, or that you believe that you need not be bound by the same rules as everyone else.
But you're wrong. Want to know why? Because for every minute a flight attendant has to search for people who haven't mastered the off button, it's a minute of MY time that you've wasted. And YOUR time is no more precious than MY time. And in fact, OUR time is being piddled away while we sit on the ground and wait for you to say "goodbye."
Want to know why else? Because as dumb as you might believe it to be to have electronics turned off at the beginning and end of flights, it's not. Airlines have rules and regulations for a reason. And if you have an issue with that, take it up with regulators or airline officials at some other time. But giving the airline a figurative middle finger by disobedience while on a flight is unacceptable.
Say goodbye, shut it down, and sit back for the ride.
Trust me, we'll all be happier!
And until next time,
Safe travels!
Today, we'll be talking travel and technology.
Technology is such a bummer sometimes. Just when you've finally learned how to use a piece of equipment, or mastered a type of software, the next edition comes out and it's time to start over.
But what's amazing is a particular technological function that has never really changed, over the last hundred or more years. Sure, it's placement may have moved, or the steps to use it could have changed, but all-in-all, no change.
Allow me to introduce you to...the OFF button.
This advice is for you, Mr. All-Important Business Travel, or Mrs. Super-Busy Soccer Mom. I fully well realize that you believe that your time is more precious than mine, or that you believe that you need not be bound by the same rules as everyone else.
But you're wrong. Want to know why? Because for every minute a flight attendant has to search for people who haven't mastered the off button, it's a minute of MY time that you've wasted. And YOUR time is no more precious than MY time. And in fact, OUR time is being piddled away while we sit on the ground and wait for you to say "goodbye."
Want to know why else? Because as dumb as you might believe it to be to have electronics turned off at the beginning and end of flights, it's not. Airlines have rules and regulations for a reason. And if you have an issue with that, take it up with regulators or airline officials at some other time. But giving the airline a figurative middle finger by disobedience while on a flight is unacceptable.
Say goodbye, shut it down, and sit back for the ride.
Trust me, we'll all be happier!
And until next time,
Safe travels!
Rental Car Etiquette
Published on
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
in:
Snark
,
Tuesday Travel Tips
Hey, dear readers! Sorry for not posting more in the past week - I had training 3 days last week, and spent the other two days preparing for and then recovering from it!
For this week's Tuesday Travel Tips, let's discuss the rental car.
Ah, the rental car.
That sparkly, shiny vehicle that you've just exchanged a moderate (or not so moderate) sum of money for, intending to beat the hell out of it for the next several days.
That colorful, late model chariot that has had as many driver's as Obama has had failed cabinet appointees. (Couldn't resist. Sorry!)
That home away from home on four wheels that you apparently don't care one iota about, because you've left it a mess.
Can I tell you how much it annoys me to spend precious money, just to get a car that's been left a mess?
Half of this I blame on the rental car company, for being in such a hurry to turnover cars that they gloss over the cleaning process faster than Obama can change his mind on a campaign promise. (Again, sorry. I crack myself up.)
But half I blame on you, dear rental car renter. Have some pride! Have some caring about your surroundings! If nothing else, at least have some shame!
I completely don't get why people would find it acceptable to leave behind miscellaneous garbage, including spilled fast food and a variety of, uh, personal items. No joke - I've seen it happen.
Let's do this as a 1-2-3-4 lesson, shall we?
Not hard, eh? Now, it's your turn! Make me proud.
Until next time,
Safe travels!
For this week's Tuesday Travel Tips, let's discuss the rental car.
Ah, the rental car.
That sparkly, shiny vehicle that you've just exchanged a moderate (or not so moderate) sum of money for, intending to beat the hell out of it for the next several days.
That colorful, late model chariot that has had as many driver's as Obama has had failed cabinet appointees. (Couldn't resist. Sorry!)
That home away from home on four wheels that you apparently don't care one iota about, because you've left it a mess.
Can I tell you how much it annoys me to spend precious money, just to get a car that's been left a mess?
Half of this I blame on the rental car company, for being in such a hurry to turnover cars that they gloss over the cleaning process faster than Obama can change his mind on a campaign promise. (Again, sorry. I crack myself up.)
But half I blame on you, dear rental car renter. Have some pride! Have some caring about your surroundings! If nothing else, at least have some shame!
I completely don't get why people would find it acceptable to leave behind miscellaneous garbage, including spilled fast food and a variety of, uh, personal items. No joke - I've seen it happen.
Let's do this as a 1-2-3-4 lesson, shall we?
- Rent a car.
- Enjoy your trip to Wherever, USA or insert alternate country <> .
- Pick up after yourself like a normal, rational human being.
- Return your rental car.
Not hard, eh? Now, it's your turn! Make me proud.
Until next time,
Safe travels!
Y-I-E-L-D
Published on
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
in:
Snark
,
Tuesday Travel Tips
Welcome to the first Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany since my hiatus! For today's topic, I will actually be reverting back to a topic that I wrote (ranted?) about more than 6 months ago.
Let's discuss: the yield sign.
Obviously, my "what to do and what not to do" guide on this topic failed. Because there's still a large contingent of drivers out there who continue to ignore this most basic traffic control device. Or, perhaps, they've just not yet found my blog. Pity.
Because, really, this is all about me, I'd like to directly address some drivers I encounter daily on my drive to work.
Attention drivers on the 820 northbound service road approaching the SH 10 intersection:
YOU HAVE A YIELD SIGN.
I, a driver on 820 northbound, exiting at SH 10, DO NOT HAVE A YIELD SIGN.
THAT MEANS IT'S MY RIGHT OF WAY, NOT YOURS.
And having a big honkin' tractor trailer, or a pickup loaded down in the back with imported gardeners or construction workers, doesn't change the balance of the equation.
MINE.
I feel like a kid fighting over a toy. Except, in this case, we're fighting over lanes, and people seem to be going with the theory of who is bigger instead of who needs to watch for signs that will CLEARLY tell them to back off.
So let's discuss why people seem to have such a blockage over yield signs.
Does the triangle shape confuse them?
Is the red just too distracting or perhaps overused?
Or, really, is it a Freudian thing where they didn't learn how to share their mother's attention so now they're taking it out on me?
What do you think, readers? I yield (har har har) the floor to you!
Let's discuss: the yield sign.
Obviously, my "what to do and what not to do" guide on this topic failed. Because there's still a large contingent of drivers out there who continue to ignore this most basic traffic control device. Or, perhaps, they've just not yet found my blog. Pity.
Because, really, this is all about me, I'd like to directly address some drivers I encounter daily on my drive to work.
Attention drivers on the 820 northbound service road approaching the SH 10 intersection:
YOU HAVE A YIELD SIGN.
I, a driver on 820 northbound, exiting at SH 10, DO NOT HAVE A YIELD SIGN.
THAT MEANS IT'S MY RIGHT OF WAY, NOT YOURS.
And having a big honkin' tractor trailer, or a pickup loaded down in the back with imported gardeners or construction workers, doesn't change the balance of the equation.
MINE.
I feel like a kid fighting over a toy. Except, in this case, we're fighting over lanes, and people seem to be going with the theory of who is bigger instead of who needs to watch for signs that will CLEARLY tell them to back off.
So let's discuss why people seem to have such a blockage over yield signs.
Does the triangle shape confuse them?
Is the red just too distracting or perhaps overused?
Or, really, is it a Freudian thing where they didn't learn how to share their mother's attention so now they're taking it out on me?
What do you think, readers? I yield (har har har) the floor to you!
Canada is NOT the 51st State
Published on
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
in:
Snark
,
Tuesday Travel Tips
Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to the 7th edition of Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.
Are we sensing a theme, yet, for the overly obvious titles? I know that I shouldn't have to tell you, dear readers, some of these overly obvious facts, but unfortunately, there're a lot of people out there that are JUST.PLAIN.CLUELESS.
Picture this:
You're standing in the security line at Terminal D at DFW airport. 90% of the flights that depart from Terminal D are international. So it's a pretty fair bet that 90% of the people going through security are headed somewhere other than...here.
The line inches forward. The couple in front of you dutifully has their tickets out, as well as their drivers' licenses, ready to present to the TSA employee. So...perhaps they're part of the 10% who happen to have a domestic flight departing from Terminal D.
They're not.
They're headed to Vancouver. As in Canada.
The TSA employee is well-grounded in geography. When the couple hands over their drivers' licenses, he politely asks them for their passports.
You, standing patiently behind them, can only sigh.
"What do you mean, you need to see our passports? We're only going to Canada." The wife is a bit...indignant.
"Ma'am, you need a passport to fly to a foreign country." They don't pay the TSA folks nearly enough.
"We fly to Canada ALL.THE.TIME. We've never needed a passport before!" The husband isn't about to say a word...wifey is handling this one.
"Ma'am, when is the last time you flew to Canada?" Like I said, they don't pay these people enough.
"Well, uh, three years ago." Her voice is oh so slightly less strident.
"Ma'am, three years ago, you wouldn't have needed a passport. But due to security regulation changes over the past two years, anyone flying to Canada or Mexico now needs their passports."
"Oh. I may have seen something like that on the news. Well, we don't have our passports with us. Could we make an exception this just one time?" Suddenly, wifey is TSA dude's best friend. Her voice is now butter.
"No, ma'am. It's a federal regulation. You will not be allowed to board a plane to Canada without a passport."
Before your head explodes, dear passenger stuck behind these people, we'll leave this scene before it becomes really ugly.
So the moral of this story is...Canada is NOT the 51st State. Passports, people. Travel prepared!
Until next time...
Safe Travels!
Are we sensing a theme, yet, for the overly obvious titles? I know that I shouldn't have to tell you, dear readers, some of these overly obvious facts, but unfortunately, there're a lot of people out there that are JUST.PLAIN.CLUELESS.
Picture this:
You're standing in the security line at Terminal D at DFW airport. 90% of the flights that depart from Terminal D are international. So it's a pretty fair bet that 90% of the people going through security are headed somewhere other than...here.
The line inches forward. The couple in front of you dutifully has their tickets out, as well as their drivers' licenses, ready to present to the TSA employee. So...perhaps they're part of the 10% who happen to have a domestic flight departing from Terminal D.
They're not.
They're headed to Vancouver. As in Canada.
The TSA employee is well-grounded in geography. When the couple hands over their drivers' licenses, he politely asks them for their passports.
You, standing patiently behind them, can only sigh.
"What do you mean, you need to see our passports? We're only going to Canada." The wife is a bit...indignant.
"Ma'am, you need a passport to fly to a foreign country." They don't pay the TSA folks nearly enough.
"We fly to Canada ALL.THE.TIME. We've never needed a passport before!" The husband isn't about to say a word...wifey is handling this one.
"Ma'am, when is the last time you flew to Canada?" Like I said, they don't pay these people enough.
"Well, uh, three years ago." Her voice is oh so slightly less strident.
"Ma'am, three years ago, you wouldn't have needed a passport. But due to security regulation changes over the past two years, anyone flying to Canada or Mexico now needs their passports."
"Oh. I may have seen something like that on the news. Well, we don't have our passports with us. Could we make an exception this just one time?" Suddenly, wifey is TSA dude's best friend. Her voice is now butter.
"No, ma'am. It's a federal regulation. You will not be allowed to board a plane to Canada without a passport."
Before your head explodes, dear passenger stuck behind these people, we'll leave this scene before it becomes really ugly.
So the moral of this story is...Canada is NOT the 51st State. Passports, people. Travel prepared!
Until next time...
Safe Travels!
Sneakers are Shoes
Published on
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
in:
Snark
,
Tuesday Travel Tips
Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to the 6th edition of Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.
Like last week, I'm going with the overly obvious for a title this week. Unfortunately...the overly obvious is somehow not obvious to some of our fellow travelers!
Consider a situation I recently encountered at the airport:
While in a long line of passengers waiting to clear security on a busy Tuesday morning, I noticed that the woman in front of me was not even making an attempt to take off her shoes as she prepared her belongings to go through the X-ray. Let me tell you...they really completed her running suit.
In any case, I've learned my lesson about offering advice to fellow passengers while in line, so I decided to simply watch the show. Ms. Sneakers shoved her bin through the machine and queued up to pass through the human part of the scanner. The TSA agent on the other side gave her the once-over before motioning her forward. When one is wearing bright pink sneakers, they don't typically escape notice.
"Ma'am," he called. "You'll need to remove your shoes and send them through the security device before you can come through."
"These aren't shoes," she snappily retorted. "They're SNEAKERS. They have RUBBER soles. I'm not taking them off."
"Ma'am," he began again, with a weary note in his voice. "You wear them on your FEET. Therefore, they're SHOES. Please remove them."
D'oh. That's really all I have to say. Folks, this isn't the Bill Clinton show - we're not defining what "is" is, here. If you cannot comprehend what the category of shoes encompasses, I'm not sure you should be getting weekend passes from the home to travel!
During any of your upcoming travels, I'd highly advise you to have basic wardrobe concepts straight in your head before entering the security line. Then again, this woman did provide much hilarity to the rest of us!
Until next time...
Safe Travels!
Like last week, I'm going with the overly obvious for a title this week. Unfortunately...the overly obvious is somehow not obvious to some of our fellow travelers!
Consider a situation I recently encountered at the airport:
While in a long line of passengers waiting to clear security on a busy Tuesday morning, I noticed that the woman in front of me was not even making an attempt to take off her shoes as she prepared her belongings to go through the X-ray. Let me tell you...they really completed her running suit.
In any case, I've learned my lesson about offering advice to fellow passengers while in line, so I decided to simply watch the show. Ms. Sneakers shoved her bin through the machine and queued up to pass through the human part of the scanner. The TSA agent on the other side gave her the once-over before motioning her forward. When one is wearing bright pink sneakers, they don't typically escape notice.
"Ma'am," he called. "You'll need to remove your shoes and send them through the security device before you can come through."
"These aren't shoes," she snappily retorted. "They're SNEAKERS. They have RUBBER soles. I'm not taking them off."
"Ma'am," he began again, with a weary note in his voice. "You wear them on your FEET. Therefore, they're SHOES. Please remove them."
D'oh. That's really all I have to say. Folks, this isn't the Bill Clinton show - we're not defining what "is" is, here. If you cannot comprehend what the category of shoes encompasses, I'm not sure you should be getting weekend passes from the home to travel!
During any of your upcoming travels, I'd highly advise you to have basic wardrobe concepts straight in your head before entering the security line. Then again, this woman did provide much hilarity to the rest of us!
Until next time...
Safe Travels!
Water is a Liquid
Published on
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
in:
Snark
,
Tuesday Travel Tips
Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to the 5th edition of Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.
I'm going to guess that you may be amused with the title of this post: "water is a liquid." You're probably mumbling to yourself that good old Tiffany's finally lost it. After all, who doesn't know that water is a liquid?
You'd be surprised.
For our travels this week, let's head back to the security checkpoint at the airport. And let's carefully observe a sign that you'll find in any airport in America, close to the beginning of the queue for the checkpoint.
See it? Any of you frequent travelers, can you picture it? What does it say?
3 - 1 - 1
Ok, so what does that mean?
It means that any liquids you have in your carry on luggage must be in bottles under 3 ounces, and that all of your liquids must be contained in a 1 quart bag, and that only 1 bag is allowed per traveler. Simple. 3 - 1 - 1
But apparently, it's never occurred to some of ya'll that water is a liquid too!
I can't tell you how many times over the past year or so that I've arrived at the checkpoint in time to see someone indignantly hurling their bottled water into a trash receptacle when informed that it can't go through security.
I've seen people yell about it - it's not fair! The TSA folks must be Nazis! Don't people got a right to drink water anymore??
I've seen people cry about it - I'll be dehydrated! How will I swallow the pill that I need to take 5 seconds after I clear security? (Um, take it now?) The TSA folks are doing this to be mean!
And I've seen people, who obviously think that they are just the most important creature to ever walk the planet, narrow their eyes to slits, sneer at the nearest TSA person, and make loud comments about having their jobs (I'm sure they'd love for you to take them) and just see what'll happen when they call their Congressman about this situation.
OH COME ON.
It's a stinking bottle of water, not the Holy Grail! So what in the world would make you think that the bottle of water is magically exempt from the rule against liquids? Oh, wait. You're probably the same moron who believes they're magically exempt from any other rule they find fault with.
Too bad. So sad. Dump the water!
By the way - for moms traveling with small babies, there is an exemption - you are allowed to take a reasonable amount of water to be able to mix with formula for the little one.
Don't try to take advantage of this exemption, though...the screeners will be looking for formula in your bag and a baby in your arms.
That concludes this week's edition of Tuesday Travels!
Until next time...
Safe Travels!
I'm going to guess that you may be amused with the title of this post: "water is a liquid." You're probably mumbling to yourself that good old Tiffany's finally lost it. After all, who doesn't know that water is a liquid?
You'd be surprised.
For our travels this week, let's head back to the security checkpoint at the airport. And let's carefully observe a sign that you'll find in any airport in America, close to the beginning of the queue for the checkpoint.
See it? Any of you frequent travelers, can you picture it? What does it say?
3 - 1 - 1
Ok, so what does that mean?
It means that any liquids you have in your carry on luggage must be in bottles under 3 ounces, and that all of your liquids must be contained in a 1 quart bag, and that only 1 bag is allowed per traveler. Simple. 3 - 1 - 1
But apparently, it's never occurred to some of ya'll that water is a liquid too!
I can't tell you how many times over the past year or so that I've arrived at the checkpoint in time to see someone indignantly hurling their bottled water into a trash receptacle when informed that it can't go through security.
I've seen people yell about it - it's not fair! The TSA folks must be Nazis! Don't people got a right to drink water anymore??
I've seen people cry about it - I'll be dehydrated! How will I swallow the pill that I need to take 5 seconds after I clear security? (Um, take it now?) The TSA folks are doing this to be mean!
And I've seen people, who obviously think that they are just the most important creature to ever walk the planet, narrow their eyes to slits, sneer at the nearest TSA person, and make loud comments about having their jobs (I'm sure they'd love for you to take them) and just see what'll happen when they call their Congressman about this situation.
OH COME ON.
It's a stinking bottle of water, not the Holy Grail! So what in the world would make you think that the bottle of water is magically exempt from the rule against liquids? Oh, wait. You're probably the same moron who believes they're magically exempt from any other rule they find fault with.
Too bad. So sad. Dump the water!
By the way - for moms traveling with small babies, there is an exemption - you are allowed to take a reasonable amount of water to be able to mix with formula for the little one.
Don't try to take advantage of this exemption, though...the screeners will be looking for formula in your bag and a baby in your arms.
That concludes this week's edition of Tuesday Travels!
Until next time...
Safe Travels!
Get a Leash!
Published on
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
in:
Snark
,
Tuesday Travel Tips
Good Tuesday morning to everyone, and welcome to the 4th edition of Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here.
Today, we're going to head back to the wonderful world of airports. And, specifically, let's have a little discussion about children in airports.
Parents, let me make something clear to you. It is your responsibility - and yours alone - to maintain control over your child/children when you travel. It is no more acceptable for them to run pell mell through the gate seating area than it would be to do so at a restaurant or at the mall. Oh, wait - this drives me nuts in both of those locations as well!
I'll bet there are some people out there who won't like my use of the word "control." Tough. Deal with it. Children need to be controlled, not indulged. When you are in your own home, do whatever you want. If you have no interest in building discipline, so be it. But in public, you put the safety of your children as well as anyone they encounter at risk by allowing them to run freely about.
Get a leash! I'm serious. If it would too damn hard for you to either keep them in their stroller, occupied with a book or toy, or hold their hand or put them on your lap, then at least put them on a leash so you can rein them back in the second they start to wander away. It is not my responsibilility as a fellow traveler to amuse them. And it's sure as hell not the responsibility of the already overworked gate agents!
Parents, this is especially important advice for you to take if you are outnumbered by the amount of children you're traveling with. Some fellow travelers may feel sorry for you, because you look tired after wrangling four toddlers through security. I don't. They're your kids - that means you have to deal with them! If you clearly cannot handle traveling with them, the choice is easy: don't. And if you do choose to travel, it's you that's in charge, not them. Whining, screaming, kicking and crying are not acceptable; instead, that behavior just makes all of the other passengers hate you. By instilling discipline in your children ahead of time and laying down clear rules and boundaries, everyone's travel experience will be all the more enjoyable.
And along the way, a leash can't hurt.
Until next time...
Safe travels!
Today, we're going to head back to the wonderful world of airports. And, specifically, let's have a little discussion about children in airports.
Parents, let me make something clear to you. It is your responsibility - and yours alone - to maintain control over your child/children when you travel. It is no more acceptable for them to run pell mell through the gate seating area than it would be to do so at a restaurant or at the mall. Oh, wait - this drives me nuts in both of those locations as well!
I'll bet there are some people out there who won't like my use of the word "control." Tough. Deal with it. Children need to be controlled, not indulged. When you are in your own home, do whatever you want. If you have no interest in building discipline, so be it. But in public, you put the safety of your children as well as anyone they encounter at risk by allowing them to run freely about.
Get a leash! I'm serious. If it would too damn hard for you to either keep them in their stroller, occupied with a book or toy, or hold their hand or put them on your lap, then at least put them on a leash so you can rein them back in the second they start to wander away. It is not my responsibilility as a fellow traveler to amuse them. And it's sure as hell not the responsibility of the already overworked gate agents!
Parents, this is especially important advice for you to take if you are outnumbered by the amount of children you're traveling with. Some fellow travelers may feel sorry for you, because you look tired after wrangling four toddlers through security. I don't. They're your kids - that means you have to deal with them! If you clearly cannot handle traveling with them, the choice is easy: don't. And if you do choose to travel, it's you that's in charge, not them. Whining, screaming, kicking and crying are not acceptable; instead, that behavior just makes all of the other passengers hate you. By instilling discipline in your children ahead of time and laying down clear rules and boundaries, everyone's travel experience will be all the more enjoyable.
And along the way, a leash can't hurt.
Until next time...
Safe travels!
Yielding is NOT Optional
Published on
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
in:
Snark
,
Tuesday Travel Tips
Good morning, everyone, and welcome to the 3rd edition of Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! To read previous editions, you can find them here!
People travel by the millions each and every day through that wonderful invention known as the automobile. And did you know that you're exponentially more likely to die in an automobile crash than to ever suffer a mishap when traveling by air?
That's a cheerful thought, isn't it? But many automobile crashes - both fatal and less serious - are caused by stupidity and failing to have the situational awareness of what is going on around you.
To that end, my biggest pet peeve is the YIELD SIGN. Here in Texas, we have lots of those. I bet we got a large lot discount from Sam's, because with all of our access roads, we've got them by the boatloads.
But people invariably ignore these nice little red and white signs, and place themselves and their fellow drivers in peril. So I thought I'd take today's edition of Tuesday Travel to explain the use of the yield sign, as some of the less smart among us may be having trouble grasping the concept.
When there is a yield sign, it means that more than one stream of traffic will be vying for a limited amount of space. If the yield sign is facing YOUR stream of traffic, it means that you absolutely, positively do NOT have the right-of-way unless the other stream of traffic is clear.
Here's what a yield sign does NOT mean you should do:
BE ALERT. BE PREPARED. BE SMART!
Until next time...
Safe travels!
People travel by the millions each and every day through that wonderful invention known as the automobile. And did you know that you're exponentially more likely to die in an automobile crash than to ever suffer a mishap when traveling by air?
That's a cheerful thought, isn't it? But many automobile crashes - both fatal and less serious - are caused by stupidity and failing to have the situational awareness of what is going on around you.
To that end, my biggest pet peeve is the YIELD SIGN. Here in Texas, we have lots of those. I bet we got a large lot discount from Sam's, because with all of our access roads, we've got them by the boatloads.
But people invariably ignore these nice little red and white signs, and place themselves and their fellow drivers in peril. So I thought I'd take today's edition of Tuesday Travel to explain the use of the yield sign, as some of the less smart among us may be having trouble grasping the concept.
When there is a yield sign, it means that more than one stream of traffic will be vying for a limited amount of space. If the yield sign is facing YOUR stream of traffic, it means that you absolutely, positively do NOT have the right-of-way unless the other stream of traffic is clear.
Here's what a yield sign does NOT mean you should do:
- Speed up to get in front of cars who do have the right-of-way.
- Slam on your brakes. Especially if there is no oncoming traffic. You feel that probing up your rear end? That's me, getting whiplash, because you stopped for no reason.
- Blithely ignore the sign and cause the people who DO have the right-of-way to have to slam on their brakes.
- Graciously motion those WITH the right-of-way out of your way - where do you get off, buddy? It's already my turn. I don't need your permission!
- Apply your own vehicle to the rear bumper of the vehicle in front of you and continue moving forward so as to form a wall of blockage to those vehicles who would love to slam on their gas and plow through your stupid self but refrain from doing so because they know that stooping to your level of humanity will not solve anything.
- When one is coming up, begin to decrease your speed, glancing at the other stream of traffic to check on it's flow.
- If there are no vehicles in that other stream, remain at a decrease speed until you pass the sign and then accelerate back to the speed limit - there is no need to stop if there is no opposing traffic.
- If there ARE vehicles in the opposing stream of traffic, gauge whether it will be necessary to slow down further or stop entirely to allow those who have the right-of-way to proceed unimpeded.
BE ALERT. BE PREPARED. BE SMART!
Until next time...
Safe travels!
Kids Are People, Too!
Published on
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
in:
Snark
,
Tuesday Travel Tips
Welcome to the 2nd edition of Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany! If you missed the first edition, you can find it here!
Many families travel by air on a daily basis. That means that Mom and Dad has to circumnaviate the fun that is the security checkpoint while ushering through their kids as well.
It amazes me how often I see parents basically forgetting that their kids are people, too.
For instance: little Tommy has sneakers on. Mom and Dad have to take off their shoes. But obviously, Tommy's shoes must not count. 'Cause they're, like, small. And cute. So they don't count. Right?
Wrong!
Get 'em off, folks. Anything that you do for yourself, you have to do for kiddo as well.
And isn't it just so precious that Tommy brought along his entire coin collection in his little jeans pocket?
Nope, not so precious.
Ya know that little annoying buzzer that keeps going off? That's to remind you, Mom and Dad, that little Tommy needs his damn pockets emptied. Chances are that the little tyke hasn't yet reached the age of reason and will not know to do that without your urging.
Ah yes, and then there's my favorite: when little Tommy masquerades as a pack mule.
Mom and Dad take their time in getting ready to go through the scanner. In the meantime, Tommy is left holding/dragging/being dragged by their gear.
Which he then attempts to walk through security while holding.
Um, nope. Parents, it's your job to get ALL of the bags belonging to your precious family up on the conveyor belt. Us impatient folks stuck behind you would just love to help, but there's those nasty legal implications for touching someone else's child. So it's your job. Get it?
We can all have a more pleasant travel experience if we just follow the following three objectives:
BE ALERT. BE PREPARED. BE SMART!
Until next time...
Safe Travels!
Many families travel by air on a daily basis. That means that Mom and Dad has to circumnaviate the fun that is the security checkpoint while ushering through their kids as well.
It amazes me how often I see parents basically forgetting that their kids are people, too.
For instance: little Tommy has sneakers on. Mom and Dad have to take off their shoes. But obviously, Tommy's shoes must not count. 'Cause they're, like, small. And cute. So they don't count. Right?
Wrong!
Get 'em off, folks. Anything that you do for yourself, you have to do for kiddo as well.
And isn't it just so precious that Tommy brought along his entire coin collection in his little jeans pocket?
Nope, not so precious.
Ya know that little annoying buzzer that keeps going off? That's to remind you, Mom and Dad, that little Tommy needs his damn pockets emptied. Chances are that the little tyke hasn't yet reached the age of reason and will not know to do that without your urging.
Ah yes, and then there's my favorite: when little Tommy masquerades as a pack mule.
Mom and Dad take their time in getting ready to go through the scanner. In the meantime, Tommy is left holding/dragging/being dragged by their gear.
Which he then attempts to walk through security while holding.
Um, nope. Parents, it's your job to get ALL of the bags belonging to your precious family up on the conveyor belt. Us impatient folks stuck behind you would just love to help, but there's those nasty legal implications for touching someone else's child. So it's your job. Get it?
We can all have a more pleasant travel experience if we just follow the following three objectives:
BE ALERT. BE PREPARED. BE SMART!
Until next time...
Safe Travels!
Preparing to Check In: CHECK IN!
Published on
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
in:
Snark
,
Tuesday Travel Tips
Welcome to the 1st edition of Tuesday Travel Tips with Tiffany!
When traveling by air, passengers must go through the sacred ritual of the security check. The security check is a necessary process that is often made painful because of traveler's ignorance on what to expect. In order to ease your experience, dear readers, let me offer the following advice:
BE ALERT. BE PREPARED. BE SMART!
Chances are:
Until next time...
Safe Travels!
When traveling by air, passengers must go through the sacred ritual of the security check. The security check is a necessary process that is often made painful because of traveler's ignorance on what to expect. In order to ease your experience, dear readers, let me offer the following advice:
BE ALERT. BE PREPARED. BE SMART!
Chances are:
- that you're going to stand in line for at least a minute or two before reaching the TSA employee who will be checking your boarding pass versus your legal identification.
- that there are going to be people in front of you in line.
- that there are going to be people behind you in line.
- that if I have to stand in line longer because you're an idiot, I'm not going to be a happy person.
- that if you make the TSA employee's job harder than a minimum wage job should be, they're going to hate you.
- Turn off your damn cell phone. Chuckie back at the office can wait another five minutes to hear your prescient remarks regarding the upcoming sales conference. No matter how good you think you are at multi-tasking, your Crackberry is robbing you of precious brain cells that you obviously need to be able to navigate a simple line.
- Observe - if everyone else in line is doing something, maybe you should consider doing the same thing.
- Put away your makeup bag - you haven't looked like your driver's license picture since, well, ever.
- Get out your boarding pass. Um, hello! That's the point of this little line here. Waiting to dig for it until you reach the head of the line is uber annoying and will make the people queued behind you begin to plot your death. Especially if the boarding pass you eventually dig out is for the wrong flight and you spend more time holding us up. If your stupidity necessitates your getting out of line, some of us may try to trip you as you walk past.
- Ditto your ID. Yes, you need to hand it to the TSA employee. No, you can't simply flash it, TV detective style. GET IT OUT. Don't be fumbling at the last minute. Have it already in hand. No, you can't use your gym membership card. No, your badge from the last Trekkie convention won't cut it. Have your driver's license, state-issued ID card, or passport IN HAND and READY before you even THINK of getting in line.
Until next time...
Safe Travels!
