Pool Time? Uh, no!

This afternoon, around 430 PM, when it was 700 degrees outside, Big Girl started begging me to go in the pool.

Now, a quick explanation. We have a $6 swimming pool. From the grocery store. Holds about a tablespoon of water and basically just lets the kids splash themselves and squirt the dog.

So I filled the pool with water...tepid water from the hose, but at least the spot where the pool is has afternoon shade.  Took 5 minutes to clean the pool out (dirt, leaves, etc., even though it was tipped on it's side!) and then another 5 to fill it.

Took 5 minutes to round up the kids' swimsuits and floaties (hey, gotta be safe in in a centimeter of water!) and then a combined 10 minutes to get the kids in their suits.

Turned them lose outside and drug a chair so I could supervise "poolside."

15 minutes later, they were done.

How's your math?

25 minutes to prep for something they were done with after 15.

But, oh! In those 15 minutes, they doused each other, the dog, their towels, me, and watered the dirt and cut firewood.

And I got a blood blister and a headache.

It's no wonder I have no interest in having a real pool in the backyard...we'd have to spend $40k and 3 months building something they'd lose interest in before it was finished filling.
Pool time? Uh, no!

A Terrible Toddler Malady! (Funny)

Big Girl just informed me that she has to go to the doctor right now so they can feel her tummy and tell her why she's so hungry...and then give her new stickers! Almost. Died. Laughing! What's your funniest toddler malady?

Poopy Diaper or Free Ritas?

Bubba Boy just had such a violent diaper that the stitching to the stay-dry crystals busted open and came flooding out. For a second - ok, ten, until I could find the source - I thought he'd pooped ice crystals.

Free Ritas, anyone???

Diaper = FAIL!

Are We There Yet???

Funny comic over at Bizarro by Dan Piraro. (Hat tip to Funny Daddy for sharing!)


Unfortunately, they require you to buy the image just to display it on a website or blog.  They missed the memo that teaches about broader distribution and linking back to original sources and so forth.

I wonder how many people would actually pay a minimum of $125 for a 1-frame comic strip to display in 1 post on 1 blog.  Seriously?  I wouldn't.

And other than King Features Syndicate, most other comic distribution channels ENCOURAGE others to embed strips in their own sites, to BUILD exposure.  And let's be real here.  90% of what's reported by ANY source, including all of your major media sources, is a reference back to something put out by somebody else.  Without paying that somebody else.  But bringing them a bunch of exposure.

< / rant>. 

But, because it was a funny strip, I'll link to it and you can go laugh.  And after you get done checking out their licensing pricing, make sure to laugh at the comic as well!

"Are we there yet?"

Recipe of the Day

This recipe is a tasty pie-in-the-face of "Mama said there'd be days like this" that will leave you asking "what next" while you pondering whipping it up for yourself next Groundhog's Day, or even on April Fool's.

(Editors Note: Folks, you can't make this stuff up.  This recipe really is how I lived my life between the evening of March 12th and the evening of March 13th.  Take caution when trying at home.)

Ingredients:

Lower Crust

• 1 Baby Bed Rail (preassembled)
• 1 Mommy
• 1 Daddy
• 1 Good Arm
• 1 Bad Arm
• 1 Disposable Knee
• 1 Cell Phone (disposable preferred; harder to trace)

Filling

• 1 Scheming Toddler
• 1/4 C Desitin
• Several Elmo's (mixed variety)
• 6 Gal Water
• 1/2 C Baby Shampoo
• 1 Washcloth
• 1 Mommy
• 1 Daddy
• 1 Camera Phone (internet ready)
• Facebook account

Upper Crust

• 1 New DVD
• 1 Old DVD Player
• 1 Dish TV Remote
• The Internet

Icing

• 1 Scheming Toddler (can reuse from filling)
• 1 Innocent Baby
• 1/4 C Desitin (fresh; do not reuse from filling)
• Toys (the more, the merrier)
• Big Toy (needs a space large enough for 1 Innocent Baby to crawl through)
• 1 Water Bottle with Pull Top (exercise variety)
• 1 Tbsp Dawn
• 2 C Water
• 1/4 Roll Paper Towels
• 1 Mommy
• 1 Camera Phone (internet ready, can reuse from filling)
• Facebook Account

Cherry On Top

• 1 Loving Toddler (can reuse from filling if appropriate)
• 1 Mommy
• 1 Bad Arm

Dessert Drink

• 1 Not-quite-potty-trained Toddler (can reuse from filling if appropriate)
• 1 Used Diaper
• No Warning
• 1 Mommy
• 3 Wipes
• 1 New Diaper
• 1 Mommy Blog

Method

Lower Crust

1. Send The Daddy to work.
2. Have The Mommy struggle to set up the Baby Bed Rail with both the Good Arm and the Bad Arm for 4-5 minutes.
3. Develop brilliant idea to have The Mommy lift the mattress with the Good Arm while pushing in the Baby Bed Rail with the Disposable Knee in order to shield the Bad Arm from further injury.
4. Double over in pain as the Disposable Knee determines it was not meant to be a battering ram.
5. Simmer for 5 minutes.
6. Send nastygram to The Daddy at work, complaining of sustaining another injury whilst setting up the Baby Bed Rail, using a Disposable Cell phone to avoid tracing if a loving rebuke is misinterpreted as a threat of imminent harm.
7. Set aside The Mommy to cool.

Filling

1. Have The Mommy begin prep work on future recipes while allowing ingredients such as The Scheming Toddler to age.
2. Have The Scheming Toddler smear Desitin liberally on every exposed part of her body as well as on the red furry behinds of a variety of Elmo's.
3. Have The Mommy glance up in utter shock when The Scheming Toddler announcings "Look at me, Mama".  Scream.  Use the camera phone to take a picture and send to the Facebook account.
4. Set aside The Mommy to cool while counting to 10.
5. Use The Mommy to herd The Scheming Toddler into the bathroom, allowing her vocal complaints to awaken The Daddy.
6. Fill the bathtub with approximately 6 gallons of water, adjusting total volume as necessary.
7. Alternate between The Mommy and The Daddy using the Washcloth to vigorously scrub The Scheming Toddler with Baby Shampoo.
8. Rinse.
9. Repeat.
10. Dry and allow The Scheming Toddler to sit.

Upper Crust

1. Begin weaving the upper crust by placing one new DVD in one old DVD player, ensuring that the remote control is removed beforehand.
2. Look up the correct code on the Internet to enable the Dish TV Remote to connect with the old DVD player.
3. Realize that when tools from different companies are used together, the controls may not be compatible.  Press every single button on the Dish TV Remote control in order to experiment with pushing play and weaving the upper crust.
4. Note: it may take 11 or 12 restarts until the correct combination of buttons is determined.

Icing

1. Allow 1 Scheming Toddler to sit with 1 Innocent Baby so their flavors can combine.
2. Have the Scheming Toddler use Desitin to liberally baste herself and the Innocent Baby, ensuring nearly full coverage.
3. Allow the Scheming Toddler to play with surrounding toys to ensure they are also covered with Desitin.
4. Place Innocent Baby in the middle of a space in a large toy to ensure that he cannnot get away move until full coverage has been obtained.  Panicked screaming will help the process to move faster.
5. Use the camera phone to take a picture and send to CPS Facebook account.
6. Set aside Scheming Toddler to simmer.
7. Combine 1 Tbsp Dawn and 2 C Water and mix well.  Wet a paper towel with solution and remove Desitin from Scheming Toddler and Innocent Baby at end of basting time.

Cherry on Top

1. Mix 1 Loving Toddler and 1 Mommy vigorously.
2. Use 1 Bad Arm to brace Mommy when Loving Toddler pushes her from the bed.
3. Place Mommy in the freezer for 20 minutes to chill.

Dessert Drink

1. Fill not-quite-potty-trained Toddler to the brim with a variety of liquids over an 8-12 hour period.
2. Soak Used Diaper thoroughly.
3. Drizzle fresh liquid on Used Diaper, allowing overflow to coat floor.
4. Allow 1 Mommy to slide sideways through coated floor.
5. Remove coating with 3 Baby Wipes.
6. Cover Toddler in New Diaper.
7. Write about it in Mommy Blog!

Funny Things Kids Do

Spoiled Baby's cousin is here, visiting for a few days.

I'm down with a huge migraine, so the hubby asked the nephew to cook me dinner: hot dogs and macaroni and cheese.

Nephew just wandered in with a puzzled expression and asked me where we keep the hot dogs.

Cute. Totally cute. And he was totally earnest. Poor kid!

The Funny Thing About Toys

My child, fondly known as Spoiled Baby, has more toys than any other child on the planet. I'm serious. We've bought her a ton, she's been given a ton, she has most of mine from childhood, plus she's got hand-me-downs from other relatives and friends.

And yet...

And yet...

She prefers to play with my cell phone and shoes.

Oy!