Family-Work-Life Balance

Hey, Moms! (And Dads!)

What is your favorite tip, trick or technique to balance all of what you've got going on in life?

In a future series of blog posts, I'll be exploring the good, the bad, and the insanity of what works best when you're parenting at the speed of life. Share your favorites - or your tips on what only looks good on paper but has zero practical application. I'll credit all ideas and link back to the site or post of your choice!

Share, share...And thanks!

Mommy is Busy Right Now

I subscribe to Newsweek magazine.  I have since I was a freshman in college; before that, I just read my parent's subscription at home.  I've literally read this publication since I was old enough to read and reason.

Sometimes, especially in the past 5 years, I find myself snorting over my perceived left-leanings of some of the columnists.  Most days I'm convinced that George Will is the only conservative writer in their employ.

But some articles transcend politics, and one in particular recently caught my eye: Mommy is Busy Right Now.

Boy, did the sentiments of writer Lisa Miller (with whom I often find myself disagreeing) ring true in this piece.

The premise is basic.

• 1: 77% of women work; for many, it's not a choice but a necessity.  
• 2: Most household "administrative" functions are performed by women, i.e. travel planning, banking, managing health issues, etc.
• 3: Neither corporate nor marital structures accommodate work+household administration.

This. Is. My. Life.

Now don't get me wrong.  Funny Daddy can outcook me any day of the week.  And he cleans a ton.  He's better at buckling down to physical types of chores than I am.

But when it comes to budgeting, tax prep, vacation planning, doctors appointments, school forms, und so weiter...well, that's me.  But I want it that way; I love that kind of stuff.  But on the flip side, there ARE only 24 hours in a day.  And like my husband, I have multiple jobs: between the two of us, we police, engage employees, serve legal documentation, write, judge debate tournaments, provide security, and flip houses.  Two kids.  Four dogs.  Parents living in 3 different states.  By any measure, that's a busy life.

I find myself falling into the guilt trap pretty consistently, too.  If I'm working, I feel like I ought to be with my kids.  If I'm with my kids, I wonder if I've accomplished enough work for the day.  If I'm on vacation, I want to check email so people aren't left waiting on me.  If I'm working on a writing project, I'm reminded that a project at my full-time job needs completing as well.

So what say you, other busy mommies.  Do you just compartmentalize?  What's the split like in your world?

Mommy is busy right now...

The Part-Time Single Mom

Ever since Big Girl was born 27 months ago, I have joked that I was a part-time single mom.

Afterall, with me working days and Funny Daddy working nights, we didn't always actually meet in the middle...especially when you throw in our "extra" involvements like security work (FD) or writing (me).  So whenever I was with my kids, I was likely alone with my kids, doing whatever comes with being alone with the kids: making decisions regarding spending, health, punishment, and more.

So why the name? I felt like this experience was more in line than what single parents face, versus what other moms might.  In fact, I still feel like this experience is so unique that I'm about to start a whole other blog about it.  (*Want details?)

When I felt overwhelmed as a new mom - and who doesn't? - I started to feel like it was unfair that I was always alone with the kids, always dealing with problems on my own.

But with that thought process, I lacked two things: perspective and self-assurance.

Perspective: I sure as heck wasn't alone with my kids all of the time.  In his old job, FD worked 4 of every 7 days.  In his new job, FD works 5 of every 10 days.  And even when he's at home and sleeping (working nights can be tough!) or at work and busy, I can still count on him for advice and support when I need it.

Self-Assurance: I'm independent.  Long before I met FD, I maintained my own household.  Since marrying and having children, I've done any number of things on my own with the kids, including lots of balancing and lots of decisions.  And I've done just fine, TYVM.

When I finally worked my way around to a better understanding of out-of-the-norm parenting (ok, it only took a few months, not forever! I'm a smart cookie!), I felt totally empowered. I'll bet that's how actual single moms feel when they work their way around to knowing that they *can* handle things on their own, and quite well at that.

What say you, actually and part-time single moms?


*New blog project: Called "The Officer's Wife", it will deal with issues unique to families of police officers and other emergency service workers.  I'm targeting it to fill a perceived gap - there are a million billion resources (much needed!!  bravo!!) for military families who deal with year-long deployments 3-4-5 times in a 20 year career, but pretty near to zero resources for emergency service works who spend half their days of the year, every year, working in the service of others and often in dangerous situations.  I'll announce a "Grand Posting" soon!

That Doesn't Make Me a Bad Mom

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently about the integration of the various parts of my life. I sometimes feel frustrated, because I spend more time on some areas than I'd prefer, and not as much as I'd like on others.

But one thing that I'm feeling okay about is the time I get to spend with my daughter.

I've gotten some well-meaning sympathy lately about "only" taking just over 3 months for maternity leave. And while I agree that certain things might be easier - such as breastfeeding - with longer periods of leave, I'm really not upset over the length of time I did take. And considering that at 5 months old the baby has still never had a drop of formula, I'm still fitting in my pumping time quite nicely to keep her well fed.

Ya know what? I was READY to go back to work. I was READY to be challenged with something other than avoiding being peed on or pooped on or puked on. I was ready to get out of my house on a regular basis and interact with adults.

And the baby is just fine with me being at work. She's not at daycare. She isn't with a nanny or babysitter every day. She's with her dad, who works nights. And when I get home from work and he heads out the door, I think he's ready to go too.

We both love this kiddo more than anything...but we're both very glad to have careers to balance against our home life.

I've fielded questions about staying home with the baby - or potentially, in the future, if/when we have more kids - and really, it's not an option. I've toyed, on and off, with the thought of taking my freelance writing full time and staying at home to do that. I know I could; I very nearly out-earned my full-time job last year with my freelancing, and only spent half as much time doing it.

But as much as I love writing...and as much as I love the occasional days I work from home with my full-time job...I don't want to work from home every single day, day in and day out. I would go berserk. And all of the activities in the world would not fulfill me as much as my work does.

I believe - barring winning the lottery, in which case all bets are off - that I will always work. More importantly, I believe that I will always want to work. I also believe that I will always get involved in a lot of other areas, including whatever activities the kiddo may get involved in, in the future.

As the baby grows older and our family potentially expands, I'm sure that the various pieces of my life will shift. Perhaps I'll work a reduced schedule in the future, or from home more often. Maybe I'll ditch some of my activities in favor of participating in some with my child. Maybe I'll win that lottery and go plant my entire family on a beach somewhere. Who knows?

But what I do know is that, as tired as I may be at the end of the day or the end of the week, it is still entirely possibly to keep a nice house, spend quality time with both my husband and child, devote some time to both fiction and freelance writing, participate in my many interests and activities, keep up with family and friends...and enjoy both the financial and psychological benefits of maintaining a full-time job.

And that doesn't make me a bad mom.

Stay at home moms and working moms alike - what's your take?

Thoughts from Afar

What gets you through an especially manic day, busy mamas?

When you are at work, or away from your baby for whatever reason, do you compartmentalize? Or perhaps do you have set times that you think of the little one? Maybe your baby is always just thought away. How do you balance spending necessary energy on your non-baby duties - work, clubs, whatever - with keeping your kiddo close in your mind?

For me, it's a challenge. I tend to compartmentalize. Whatever I'm working on at the moment tends to be my single focus. So I'll go at a task at work hard core for whatever period of time - sometimes hours on end - and then suddenly stop and remember that I haven't thought about the baby in that time. And then I feel guilty. ACK!

So on this Manic Monday, I'm reminding myself that it's ok not to think of my kiddo 24/7. In fact, it's probably healthy. If I were thinking of her constantly, I'd not be giving my work it's fair due, or I'd never get anything else done.

But I'm also reminded that I need to start setting more realistic goals for what I want to accomplish when I'm not at work. After all...if work gets the lion's share of my attention during the day, kiddo needs, wants and deserves the lion's share of my attention when I'm at home. And my writing/housework/activities will still get done...but not to the exclusion of special times with my family!

Share your thoughts here about how you balance out your manic lives!

Preparing for Leave

Happy Monday, ya'll! Thanks for stopping by, and make sure to see the reader response questions below so you can respond with your opinions!

On this Manic Monday, I'm hyper aware that I only have a few weeks left to wrap things up at my job and transition my projects and on-going duties to the folks who will be backing me up while I'm on maternity leave.

Things have not exactly gone according to plan. My major project is running behind - by a lot! I just got more news today that will impact my progress. ACK! My overall transition plan as well as my plan for my leave as a whole is still in development. When my father passed away at the beginning of the month and I subsequently missed 1.5 weeks of work, I came back feeling like I was way off track and would never catch up.

But Spoiled Baby isn't going to wait for her Frazzled Mommy to catch up at work!

So I'm interested in hearing what all of your BTDT (been there, done that) parents have to say!

• What did you do to prepare for your maternity/paternity leaves?
  
• How did you draw up your project plans so that the work of your positions would continue while you were out?
• Did you do any work from home or any part-time work while you were still technically on leave?
• What other advice can you share?

Thanks for participating! For another chance to share your opinion, scroll down to the previous post or click here to let me know what aspects of your life you gave up when you first started your families!

What Did You Give Up?

Very few people have only a singular focus in life. Most of us have a million things going on at any one point in time. It's what keeps us occupied, it's what fulfills us, and it's what drives us stark raving mad.

With less than two months to go until Spoiled Baby is born, I've been giving a lot of thought to how I'll manage my time once she's here. For the first 12 or so weeks, I'll be at home on maternity leave. After that, however, it's time to start juggling again.

Here's what I'll be juggling:

• Biggest priority - Raising Spoiled Baby
• Bigger priority - Loving Funny Daddy
• Big priority - Managing Crazy House
• Full time job - HR Project Manager/Analyst
• Part time freelancing - Web content writing and editing
• Constant blogging - Personal and paid
• Occasional judging - HS Speech and Debate
• Cooking shows and sales - Pampered Chef
• Volunteer training - Leadership Development
• Favored pursuit - Fiction writing

Just looking at that list, I feel tired. But with the exception of the first item, the other 9 are already the activities I juggle between in life.

It seems like everybody and their brother loves to tell me that I'm going to have to give up either "everything" or "a whole lot" once Spoiled Baby gets here. But...I don't want to.

Does that sound selfish?

I like my many involvements. I've always had a zillion things going on - dating right back to childhood. I once told my mother, in the second grade, that I was burned out. But when she cut back on my activities the next school year, I was so bored and miserable that I found more things to throw myself into.

I'm convinced that with careful planning, I can still juggle all of these activities and be a good mom to Spoiled Baby. But if it really comes down to it, it'll be the last three items on the list that go by the wayside: my fiction, the training I present, and my Pampered Chef business.

What do you all think? What did you give up when you became a mommy? Leave me comments with your thoughts!