What I'm Watching: Why Him?

I tend to watch a lot of movies over the holidays. Reruns or cheesy movies are on TV, there's extra downtime to fill, and for the past two seasons, the kids are away for blocks of time with their father. So...Netflix, Amazon Prime Video and Redbox keep me fully stocked on movies.

A recent selection was the 2016 film Why Him? I give this movie 3.5 stars, and here's why:

First, a half star is deducted for constant "normalized" use of cuss words. Don't get me wrong; I can cuss a blue streak if I'm of a mind to do so. But in this movie, one of the main characters couldn't seem to get through even one moment without another curse flying out of his mouth. We get it: he's a bad boy and the use of language further demonstrates that. In this production, however, it was over the top and became unpleasant to listen to after the first 300 or so f-bombs. The same effect could have been accomplished in this film with a few thousand less instances of gratuitous cursing.

Second, a half star is deducted for turning out to have a cheesy premise: don't judge a book by its cover. I really thought Why Him? would turn out to be a lighthearted comedy. Mindless, if you please. However, with the above-mentioned language and then the theme of "not judging a book by its cover" really brought the movie down. I mean it, seriously...I'm (obviously) a big proponent of being open-minded, accepting and treating everyone in the same way. However, the continual emphasis of the theme began to feel a bit much as the movie progressed. We get it, he's a bad boy who turns out to be not-so-bad after all. Huzzah.

Third, a final half star is deducted for story-line purposes. Too big of a leap was made between the father's company at the beginning and at the end. The effort to connect the two felt forced and contrived. Also, hello massive surprise ending.

As for the 3.5 stars the movie actually kept, I'd have to say the pace was well done, the acting and casting on target and a premise interesting enough to keep me halfway tuned in from beginning to end. Bryan Cranston as the dad was obviously channeling his inner Tommy Lee Jones - honestly, the similarity was jarring at times. If anything, he took it a bit over the top. And Karen - ah, excuse me - Megan Mullaly as the mother was a delightful addition. My one criticism of Karen - let's face it, that's all I'll ever think of her as, since I aspire to be Karen myself later in life - is that while she tried to keep her voice neutral through the movie, it turned into the signature Karen pitch and timbre at times.

So here's my recommendation - do you need a movie to watch in the background while accomplishing something else like folding laundry or playing on Facebook? If so, this flick's for you. Anyone expecting a masterpiece may need to look elsewhere.

On Having a Minimalist Christmas

I normally go all-out at Christmas, in terms of decorating, celebrating, and gift giving.

This year, not so much. Several weeks of my life between Thanksgiving and Christmas got sucked up in a miasma of sickness, and it's changed my whole approach to the holiday season this year. See, I got pneumonia the week of Thanksgiving and was admitted to the hospital the following week for what would become a 10-day stay, followed by a week of bed rest at home.

That's the time I normally would have spent decking my halls to the nines - my Christmas decorations, when packed away, fill a walk-in closet, floor to ceiling. I dress up the whole front yard. The tree gets decked and then some. And every room in the house gets other decorations as well.

It didn't happen this year. We were lucky to get the tree up about a week ago. A few other treasured decorations made it out several days after that. As late as yesterday and today, the kids were bringing a few other things out to use. And the front yard didn't even get touched this year.

In addition, I usually do my Christmas shopping during the time I was in the hospital...using money also earned during that time. But when Momma, who is self-employed, doesn't work for three weeks...neither does she receive that income.

Please know, I am not saying any of this as a ploy for sympathy. Rather, I'm looking at this year as a blessing. As I've told my kids recently, with having gone through this illness and facing a few other upheavals soon, we ARE fine, and we are GOING TO BE fine.

Having not had or taken the time to do all of our decorations this year, we've instead had a chance to reflect more on the coming birth of Christ and what that means to our lives. We've gotten back to praying before each meal and at bed times regularly; something we'd fallen out of the practice of doing not so long ago. We've had lots of great Biblical discussions; it's amazing how much my kids have sponged up.

And I've tried - and hopefully somewhat succeeded - in setting more realistic expectations for the kids of what they'll receive this year from both Mom and Santa. My son, in particular, worries me. He has his heart set on an expensive gift that just was far out of reach. I've talked to him, now, numerous times about both Mom and Santa being on very tight budgets this year. And still he shows his faith that this present will somehow arrive. Who knows? Who am I to say it's absolutely impossible that it will? But what I'm hoping is that with less presents both from Mom and Santa this year, the kids will take more time to appreciate each of the presents.

Beyond that, we still have Orthodox Christmas on January 7th...and the kids know I always reserve some gifts for each of them to open then.

Either way, I'm sort of treasuring having a bit of a minimalist Christmas after so many years of making it the absolute production of the year. I've had more time to appreciate my family, my dear friends, and the many blessings in my life - first of whom are my children - than I've possibly had in recent years. And there's nothing wrong with that!

Now, this Momma has to go...I have to hang up some more laundry, then whip up some "Aunt Grace cocoa" and drive the kids around the neighborhood at bedtime to admire everyone else's lights. No matter what, we're enjoying this season and feeling the many gifts God has provided in our lives.

In the Middle of...Purging

Stuff, stuff, stuff and more stuff.

My house is jam packed full of stuff. How 'bout yours?

Right now, I'm in a season of purging and cleaning. We have waaaaaay too much stuff. So far, we've rounded up a half dozen bags of purged clothes - things I no longer need or fit into, and things the kids have outgrown. The kids have also packed up a bunch of their toys that are now too  young for them.

Last year, around this time, I began following KonMari as a way to skinny down my ownership of stuff. Have you tried her method? Marie Kondo has you go through your home in phases and recommends keeping only those things that bring you joy. And, as I noted a few posts ago, I'm at a point in my life where I'm consciously choosing joy.

How do you go about purging in your own home? Do you hold on to as much stuff as you can? I did that for many years. The more I owned, the more secure I felt.

And then came the realization that it was just stuff. My life isn't stuff. It's my kids, and my family and friends, and the work I pursue, and the past-times I enjoy. Stuff is just that - stuff. It doesn't define me. And I don't need it to define my home, or my family, or my future, or our security and well-being.

Would you like to join me in a season of purging this holiday season? I know we can all prowl around our homes and find junk that needs tossed, items that can go to a new home, clothes that can bless a different family, and other stuff we simply don't need for myriad reasons.

My personal goal is to purge about 1/5 of the stuff that's in this house. I'm not going minimalist - that's just not my style - but I'm finding as much as I can to throw away and re-home. It'll make the house more manageable when we are in it, and easier to move whenever we leave.

So that's where I am right now...in the middle of PURGING!

Why I Sonic

I'm famous - or is it infamous? - for my love affair with Sonic.

I even had publicity photos for my business taken while holding a Sonic cup.

Obsessed much? LOL!

I go to Sonic every day. Sometimes multiple times each day. I'm on a first-name share-real-life-stories basis with all of the managers at my Sonic, as well as many of the carhops. In fact, when someone new gets hired, they introduce me to them. Isn't that a hoot?

My order each trip is simple: cherry coke, no ice. Yum!

Contrary to popular belief, however, I don't spend a ton of money at Sonic - I get lots of coupons and free Route 44's for doing surveys - so I only spend $10 or less at Sonic each week. I rarely get food, as I eat most meals at home, but I can definitely say that when I do get food, it's always delicious.

Contrary to another popular belief, I don't just go to Sonic because I love their cherry cokes. I do, mind you. Love their cherry cokes, that is. There's something deliciously special about their fresh-dispensed Coca Cola with cherry flavoring added in at the end.

Rather, I go to Sonic because during a time in my life when I was very isolated, Sonic became my social life and my opportunity to talk to people other than my then-husband and my children (who were basically just babies at the time). We had just moved to Westworth from Fort Worth, I was experiencing major health issues, I worked solely from home, my kids hadn't yet started school, I was suffering from some major depression and anxiety that wasn't yet well-controlled with meds, and so I really had no socialization opportunities.

Enter Sonic. Going to Sonic got me out of the house for 20 minutes. Gave me a different adult to talk to. Gave me an opportunity to gossip and laugh. (Got me some yummy soda!) Reminded me that there are great people out there, you just have to go and find them.

And so, I'm grateful to Sonic for helping to sustain me during a hard period in my life. And that has continued as other hard things have happened. Dementia-laden mother-in-law moves in? Go to Sonic. Husband leaves you for another woman? Go to Sonic. Just need to think about something other than everyday life for 5 minutes? Go to Sonic.

And that, folks, is why I Sonic!

I Choose JOY!

Something that could be seen as very bad happened yesterday. I'm not ready to share about it publicly, but what I can tell you is that I wept for about two hours afterwards before pulling myself together. And I don't cry all that easily.

But then...my fabulous friend and housemate Yolanda, and my awesome neighbor Theresa, gave me some wonderful words of wisdom and I was able to re-find my calm and get to a better mental place. Doing so allowed me to see the "very bad happening" as a terrific opportunity instead of a horrific loss. And, as always, I prayed my butt off and really felt peace from the Lord blanketing me as well.

How often, in life, do we get caught up in "poor me" situations where we get stuck focusing just on things that go wrong and miss out on the opportunity to take a different path or enter a different door? It's so easy to feel down on life. And once we do it for awhile, that "down-ness" is something we get stuck in. And that's what makes so many of us Negative Nellies - I've been guilty of that, too! How 'bout you?

Even in the most troublesome of situations, where satisfactory resolutions appear to be extremely unlikely, we can make the conscious decision to choose JOY!

I'm the crossing guard at my kids' elementary school. That means I stand out there from 7:25 to 8:05 each morning, and 2:45 to 3:15 each afternoon...sun, rain, sleet, snow, whatever. Because of my recent bout of pneumonia and unGodly long hospital stay and recovery, I missed 3 weeks at the crosswalk. It was terrible!

The crosswalk is one of my places of JOY! No matter which side of the bed I wake up on, I find JOY every single morning and afternoon when nearly a hundred shiny happy kiddos stream past me on their way to and from school. I only get to interact with them briefly, but doing so always puts a huge smile on my face. Sometimes, I don't even realize that I'm grinning until there's a lull in the flow of kids and I have a moment of self-reflection.

Being a crossing guard is my favorite job - and I have quite a few jobs! And I don't even get paid to be there any longer - I had to agree to forgo pay when I accepted the nomination for the City Councilmember position, because it would have been a conflict of interest to be a paid city employee and a city official at the same time. So even though that job is no longer an income stream, it is still my absolute favorite!

This job brings me JOY twice a day, five days a week...no longer what is plaguing the rest of life. Do you have a job, or hobby, or vocation that brings you joy? If not, why not? Find a great place to volunteer. Leave a job you're miserable at for one that better aligns with your needs. Go help at your kids' school. Become involved in a church or civic groups.

But whatever you do, make sure you have ample opportunities to choose JOY!

In the Middle of...STRESS!

How many of you are stresser-outers?

Show of hands! Be honest now!

Yep, that's me. Almost to an OCD level. I obsess over what I stress about. I get fixated. It becomes the only thing in the world to me. All the rest of life fades to the background. All of my attention goes to surviving whatever the stress is, beating the situation if possible, and imagining 1,234,463 possible outcomes.

I'm working to get better about stress. In fact, just this afternoon, an awesome lady gave me to stress-beating techniques to use today and over the next few days as an issue gets worked on in my life.

The first was a reintroduction to a stress ball. Simple little bugger - but I forgot how awesome it was to squish the squishies right out of that ball repeatedly. It really works! I'm sure you have a stress ball tossed away in the back drawer or closet somewhere in your house. Go find it and squish with me!

The other was a breathing technique. Put your left hand on your stomach. Put your right hand on your chest. Now breathe in through your nose as slowly and deeply as you can, expanding out your stomach. Hold that breath for a five count. Finally, purse your lips and blow out that breath very slowly. Do that about 5 times. There, don't you feel calmer already?

I'm going to be practicing my stress-busting techniques tomorrow and possibly for several days after. If you're going through stress in your own life, perhaps you can get some relief from these techniques as well!

It sucks being in the middle of stress...but sometimes, that's just life!

What I'm Reading, Nonfiction: Joyce Meyer's "Approval Addiction"

Are you a people pleaser? If so, you're not alone. I am, too, and there's a ton of us out there. And it turns out, this addiction to gaining the approval of others is pretty darn destructive to our lives.

I've long been a fan of Joyce Meyer - I regularly watch her video clips and feel encouraged by her messages. This is my first time reading one of her books, however. My dear friend Yolanda brought this title to me when I was in the hospital last week and I've been making my way through it, slowly but surely, ever since.

Why slowly but surely, you ask? Normally, I'm a fast reader. However, this book contains tons of scriptural references and so much great information that I'm taking it slowly. I've got my Bible nearby so I can check each reference, I've got a book of prayers that I use to find similar topics, and I'm re-reading each chapter as I go so I can really soak in this goodness.

Here's why I am loving this book so much - the description from the back cover:

An addiction is something that controls people - something they feel they cannot do without or something they do to alleviate pain or pressure. It comes in many varieties, such as drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, shopping, eating work - and yes, even approval. Like any addict, insecure people look for a 'fix' when they get shaky. They need someone to reaffirm them and assure them that everything is all right.

The good news is that they, and you, don't have to suffer with insecurity; there is a cure for the approval addiction. The Word of God says we can be secure through Jesus Christ (see Ephesians 3:17). That means we are free to be ourselves and become all we can be in Him.

Beyond being a people pleaser, I'm also an appeaser. I want everyone to be happy all the time, and when I see a problem - or am the cause of a problem - I seek to fix that so that everyone will be happy and no one will be mad at me. And when I fail to do so, I withdraw into myself and basically hide out.

But I'm working hard to go beyond that. I know - I KNOW - that I can't keep everyone happy all the time and that that isn't even my job to do in the first place.

In this book, I feel like Joyce Meyer is talking directly to me. From the introduction:

Do you live under a burden of guilt and condemnation, feeling unrighteous, unworthy, and insecure? Are you a people-pleaser, always looking for the approval of others?

Yes, yes, and even yesser. This continually manifests itself in my life under the guise of anxiety. And it can be downright crippling! Here's what Joyce Meyer says to those of us who answered yes to that question above:

If the answer is yes, then I hope by the grace and the mercy of God to help you get over those feelings because they affect not only your personal relationships, but also your prayer life and your ability to be promoted in life. They certainly steal your joy and your peace - and that is not God's will for you or anyone else. God's will is that you enjoy your life - and you can do that.

The book then divides into 3 parts: part 1 focuses on "understanding we aren't perfect and that is okay;" part 2 goes on to cover "specific additions that hinder our walk with God;" and part 3 focuses on "our wholeness in God."

I'm still only in part 1 of the book, but since I'm loving it so much - and since I like to keep it real with what's going on in my own life - I wanted to share my experience with you here. I'll bet there's at least a few of you out there who could also benefit from reading "Approval Addiction."

How does people-pleasing behaviors affect you in your life? I'd love to hear your own experiences while we are in the middle of acknowledging and working to heal from this destructive behavior.

In Which We Discuss...Stats!

If you know me, you know I geek out on anything that can be measured - preferably quantitatively, but I'll also accept qualitatively in a pinch. I love working in Excel. Graphs are my be-all-and-end-all. Need a formula for that? Hold a sec; got one right here.

So I've been tracking the launch of this new blog pretty closely, because STATS, ya'll. So...without any further adieu, may I present the facts and figures from the first 24 hours of The Momma in the Middle.

(Also, I promise not to make this a daily habit - I'm just geeked out on this because it's day 1 of a new site.)


First up, pageviews by country and by platform. I see no real surprises here - I know who is in Iraq (hi, Jerry), and Canada (hi, Julia), and Italy (hi, Jessie), and Singapore (hi, Kresta), and South Africa (hi, Meg)...although the Peru hit has me stumped. Maybe an AAer who is traveling?

Next up, we have pageviews by day (24 hours split over 2 days), which is a healthy total for a blog with only 2 live posts...and 100% of traffic coming from Facebook.

And then the breakdown by post - post #2 has a really good total versus post #1 consider the headstart #1 got!

Next up, post interaction on the new Facebook page. Not too shabby!

And finally, general stats for the Facebook page. Dear 114 People - I love you, and you've made my day! Muah! The interesting piece here is that apparently, 108 likes are from friends...which means that I have 6 likes from people I'm not connected with already - that's kind of unexpected since this was totally a friends-and-family launch. But nice! I'll take it and thank you very much!

Know what this all means? I'm in the middle of the greatest bunch of friends, family and acquaintances a girl could ask for. Ya'll rock! Thanks for coming on this journey with me!

Still in the Middle

When my former husband and I first separated, I went into a blue funk every time the kids were gone to stay with him instead of me. I'd stay in my pajamas, chain-smoking, reading dreary novels, and crying my eyes out.

Blech! Thank GOD I'm no longer that person.

I absolutely needed that time to mourn then heal - but Lord knows you can't stay that way forever.

Now, I look at the time that the kids are with their father as opportunities to get all of my non-kiddo related things done - chores, errands, Tom Cruise movie marathons, extra client work, projects, school or church work, and Tom Cruise movie marathons. (Did I mention Tom Cruise movie marathons? Just want to be sure I didn't forget that.)

Do I still miss them? Of course. Right now I'm sitting in a house that's waaaaaaay too quiet. The kids have been gone for 25 minutes and will be with their dad through Saturday (with a brief stay back with me because of his work schedule). I'll miss them the whole time they're gone...but I'll still be in the middle of our lives, working on stuff for all of us!

For instance, over the next few days (while I'm still supposed to be convalescing), I'm going to clean out a closet, put up Christmas decorations, put away massively large mountains of clean laundry, have a Tom Cruise movie marathon, and thoroughly clean out my bedroom and get it decorated for Christmas. While I'm watching a Tom Cruise movie marathon.

I'm still the Momma in the Middle...the kids will be back before I know it, so I better get cracking on my to-do list!

Happy

I realized tonight that I was happy.

Not just content to have arrived successfully at the end of the day.

Not just relieved that most of what needed to get done mostly did.

Not just thankful that more bits and pieces of nonsense didn't get kicked up.

Actually. Happy.

How did I come to this moment of happiness, you ask?

While scooping cat poop.

Stop it. I'm being serious.

I had a zen moment while cleaning out the many litterboxes used by my feline overlords.

Remember: Actually. Happy.

Just...while holding cat poop.

See, I'd come home from this month's city council meeting, picked the kiddos up from the wonderful neighbor who was watching them, and bundled them all off to bed, lickity split. Silence in the house by 8:45 - that's enough to warrant its own zen moment right there.

Next up was bundling myself off to bed - I'm fresh off a 10-day hospital stay for pneumonia and need all the rest I can get.

But...

But...

The litterboxes needed scooped. The feline overlords and canine court jesters needed fed.

Sometimes, when my brain overflows with things that MUST. BE. DONE. RIGHT. NOW., I go into panic mode and none of it gets done. Other times, I go into manic mode and suddenly a list of 3,445 items materializes and must be finished by midnight.

Not tonight, though.

Tonight, thinking about the must-do's actually brought me strength, and an aura of calm that I haven't experienced in quite some time. And...happiness.

I was happy to be in the middle of the kids' lives, even just in mundane ways like successfully packing them all off to bed at the "right" time.

I was happy to be in the middle of the cats' lives, felines who have shared my many abodes over the past 15 years. Ample poop means healthy animals!

I was happy to be in the middle of the nightly feeding frenzy of the dogs and cats, because they bring great joy to our home.

But above all else, I was - and AM - happy to be in the middle of God's saving grace, surrounded by the love and guidance of Jesus and wrapped in the cloak of the Holy Spirit. The past 15 months have been the craziest in my life - and I can say definitively that without my faith in God, I wouldn't have made it through.

Somewhere along the way of this year and a quarter, I forgot that being happy was possible. Instead, I decided that the rule of the day was survival. Now I realize that I had things backwards: I'm not happy because I survived...I survived because I'm happy!

Life is good. Not perfect. Not without struggles. Definitely full of challenges. But here in the middle of this crazy, wonderful, exciting world, LIFE. IS. GOOD.