On Social Anxiety and Small, Paralyzing Tasks

I have social anxiety.

That admission will probably surprise the heck out of some of you, considering all of the things I'm involved with that are people-centric.

But it's true. Over the 7 years, I've gone from being able to talk to anyone, anytime to really struggling to do so.

As a result, some important tasks that land on my plate to accomplish sit and stew for ages until I get my courage up to tackle them. Some die out or lose relevance long before I can get my nerve up to face them.

Having said all that, I accomplished two such tasks today. When I tell you what they are, you'll think I'm an absolute ninny for not taking them on sooner. But I did and they're done and that's a good thing all around.

Ready to hear what I did?

First, I chatted with our new mailman about the massive quantities of mail arriving at my address that are not for me or any member of my household. I had no idea how to handle getting so much mail meant for other people and was overwhelmed with how full my box always got as a result. The nice young man promised to only deliver mail from now on with the last names of Lewis and Aller. That'll eliminate about 60% of the mail I receive. Yay!

Second, I chatted with my neighbors (while their granddaughter held Baby) about borrowing one of their wheelbarrows to move brush from my backyard out front for the garbage folks to get. They have six parked in the side yard between our houses (he's a contractor and has multiples of everything) and told me I could take any of them any time I need them. Hooray!

See? Silly little things. But it's taken me months to address them. I function fairly well daily despite my anxiety, depression, bipolar and OCD issues (and I'd swear there's some ADHD thrown in there as well, but it's never been diagnosed) but sometimes, the smallest of issues just shut me down.

For now, I'll just enjoy having accomplished these overdue items. Win!

The Good, The Bad, and God

I don't have time to write this blog post. I still have a TON of client work due today. I still have overdue fall challenge posts I was suspposed to be publishing here. I still have to announce that my freelance website has been completely revamped and that you should all go check it out: www.tiffanyaller.com.

All of that junk aside, here's why I'm posting today: because I have such a very important reminder for you.

Yes, YOU.

(Quick note: if you aren't a believer, now's a good time to exit. We'll see you at the next post.)

God loves you. 

God loves you when times are good.

God loves you when times are bad.

God loves you when YOU are bad.

God loves you when frustration takes over.

God loves you when blessings return.

(God wants you to know that even in the midst of the worst kinds of frustration, there's still blessings to be found - they never left you after all.)

Here's why I know this to be true.

My life has been less than perfect or ideal the past couple years. Looking through my Facebook memories this morning was a harsh reminder of how different my life used to be. How much easier, according to some pictures, or how much harder, according to others.

God was there with me through all of those moments listed in my history and through all of what I'm experiencing now. God even gave me a wink at the crosswalk this morning, but since ya'll will think I'm crazy over my "God wink" stories, I'll just keep that one to myself.

God was there with me when I felt like I had no one or nothing.

God was there with me when I felt like He'd surely abandoned me or didn't exist at all.

God was there when I was mad at Him.

God was still there when I got over my mad and gained better perspective while regaining my faith.

God was there for me during triumphs.

And God was there when everything came crashing down.

Far, far down.

God was there when the kids and I experienced our greatest challenges - those we kept entirely to ourselves and will likely never discuss with others.

And God was there when the sunlight came back and began lighting up our darkest spaces.

And God wanted me to share this message this morning. Because I started the day with frustration after frustration related to my work. One of my two laptops crashed. The other was slow to start this morning after barring me from working last night during a mandatory update. And then I was just missing the boat on some revisions I had to do for work but couldn't seem to get my mind to accomplish.

Then I got one great email from a new client that represents a pretty big financial win.

Then I got a second one, reporting statistics on the success of a marketing campaign I helped design, along with a request for future work.

Then I realized that for every frustration I experienced since I woke up at 3:30 this morning, I'd received an equivalent blessing.

And that's how I know God's there, always balancing the scale, always loving on me even when I'm so caught up in the moment that I forget to be as loving back as I should.

There's good. There's bad. And no matter what, there's always God.